variations on the word love
This is a word we use to plug
holes with. It's the right size for those warm
blanks in speech, for those red heart-
shaped vacancies on the page that look nothing
like real hearts. Add lace
and you can sell
it. We insert it also in the one empty
space on the printed form
that comes with no instructions. There are whole
magazines with not much in them
but the word love, you can
rub it all over your body and you
can cook with it too. How do we know
it isn't what goes on at the cool
debaucheries of slugs under damp
pieces of cardboard? As for the weed-
seedlings nosing their tough snouts up
among the lettuces, they shout it.
Love! Love! sing the soldiers, raising
their glittering knives in salute.
Then there's the two
of us. This word
is far too short for us, it has only
four letters, too sparse
to fill those deep bare
vacuums between the stars
that press on us with their deafness.
It's not love we don't wish
to fall into, but that fear.
this word is not enough but it will
have to do. It's a single
vowel in this metallic
silence, a mouth that says
O again and again in wonder
and pain, a breath, a finger
grip on a cliffside. You can
hold on or let go.
About Me
- Kyle Mendoza
- I hope to live life, soul search and find bliss. I seek to get lost and be found again. and again. And to eventually fall in love.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
appreciation for poetry: Margaret Atwood
Is/Not
Love is not a profession
genteel or otherwise
sex is not dentistry
the slick filling of aches and cavities
you are not my doctor
you are not my cure,
nobody has that
power, you are merely a fellow/traveller
Give up this medical concern,
buttoned, attentive,
permit yourself anger
and permit me mine
which needs neither
your approval nor your suprise
which does not need to be made legal
which is not against a disease
but agaist you,
which does not need to be understood
or washed or cauterized,
which needs instead
to be said and said.
Permit me the present tense.
Love is not a profession
genteel or otherwise
sex is not dentistry
the slick filling of aches and cavities
you are not my doctor
you are not my cure,
nobody has that
power, you are merely a fellow/traveller
Give up this medical concern,
buttoned, attentive,
permit yourself anger
and permit me mine
which needs neither
your approval nor your suprise
which does not need to be made legal
which is not against a disease
but agaist you,
which does not need to be understood
or washed or cauterized,
which needs instead
to be said and said.
Permit me the present tense.
Friday, November 26, 2010
behind the masks of this deceitful lies.
Where is your voice?
Where is the light you bear?
What is the yearning of your heart?
What are the promises you hold on to?
What are the promises you now make?
When will you raise your banner?
When will you stand up for what you think is right?
When will you fight your battles?
Who are you seeking?
Who are you loving?
Who are you?
Where is the light you bear?
What is the yearning of your heart?
What are the promises you hold on to?
What are the promises you now make?
When will you raise your banner?
When will you stand up for what you think is right?
When will you fight your battles?
Who are you seeking?
Who are you loving?
Who are you?
Live by the moment
time and time again, i have been trying to come up with my own version of the bucket list. there was one which never reached 50, another one which i do not remember how it ended, and one completed. But this completed one i read through again, seemed a little unrealistic. So this one, i plan to make more mature, more realistic and more do-able. so, here it goes!
1. Enter and finish Law School
2. Buy my own house
3. Put up my own business, restaurant is most preferred.
4. Buy my own car, an suv is most preferred
5. Go see Paramore live in concert
6. Watch Gary V. live in concert
7. Go see Hillsong live in concert
8. Compose a song, lyric and melody intact
9. Submit lyrics to music ministry
10. Submit lyrics to a famous singer, local or foreign
11. Learn a new sport, baseball or soccer is preferred
12. Go sky diving
13. Go wake boarding
14. Go surfing (again)
15. Go reef walking
16. Ride on a hot air balloon
17. Come along on a medical mission in the barrios
18. Go on a feeding /bathing program
19. Preach to a young crowd
20. Come along on a mission
21. Tour around the Philippines
22. Visit the OC, California
23. Go to Greece
24. Go to New York
25. Visit the Eiffel Tower
26. Get Married
27. Have three children
28. Drive a race car
29. Drive a Harley Davidson
30. Drive a 200r
32. Go Bungee Jumping
33. Go cliff diving
34. Go target shooting
35. Ride a camel
36. Ride an elephant
37. Swim with Dolphins
38. Design clothes and make them
39. Make a painting and actually sell it
40. Have a 100-paged portfolio of pictures of different sceneries
41. Experience winter
42. Learn to play the piano or the violin
43. Perform in a concert, even just a front act or perform randomly at a bar
44. Dance in a Hiphop Concert
45. Compete in a tennis tournament, again
46. Direct a short film or music video
47. Learn to prepare and cook a foreign dish
48. Learn foreign language
49. Eat Balut
50. Eat Tamilok
51. Eat Isaw
52. Pet an exotic pet, like a tarantulla or a snake
53. Pet a big dog i haven't owned
54. Hug a polar or panda bear
55. Name a star after me, officially.
56. Go backpacking
57. Visit one of the 7 wonders of the world
58. Audition for Myx Vj's
59. Appear in a commercial or music video
60. Post a home made video in Youtube
61. Write a book
62. Donate Blood
63. Meet someone famous
65. Celebrate our Golden Anniversary.
66. Get into a fist fight
67. Punch through a "break glass in case of fire" even though there's no fire
68. Start a 365 Project and actually finish it
69. Get a tat and actually get away with it
70. Throw a pair of shoes up on a tree/post
71, Trace the farthest that I can of my genealogy
72. Host a New Year Party with friends
73. Eat.Pray.Love.
74. Eat at restaurant with names A-Z.
75. Revisit the past.
1. Enter and finish Law School
2. Buy my own house
3. Put up my own business, restaurant is most preferred.
4. Buy my own car, an suv is most preferred
5. Go see Paramore live in concert
6. Watch Gary V. live in concert
7. Go see Hillsong live in concert
8. Compose a song, lyric and melody intact
9. Submit lyrics to music ministry
10. Submit lyrics to a famous singer, local or foreign
11. Learn a new sport, baseball or soccer is preferred
12. Go sky diving
13. Go wake boarding
14. Go surfing (again)
15. Go reef walking
16. Ride on a hot air balloon
17. Come along on a medical mission in the barrios
18. Go on a feeding /bathing program
19. Preach to a young crowd
20. Come along on a mission
21. Tour around the Philippines
22. Visit the OC, California
23. Go to Greece
24. Go to New York
25. Visit the Eiffel Tower
26. Get Married
27. Have three children
28. Drive a race car
29. Drive a Harley Davidson
30. Drive a 200r
32. Go Bungee Jumping
33. Go cliff diving
34. Go target shooting
35. Ride a camel
36. Ride an elephant
37. Swim with Dolphins
38. Design clothes and make them
39. Make a painting and actually sell it
40. Have a 100-paged portfolio of pictures of different sceneries
41. Experience winter
42. Learn to play the piano or the violin
43. Perform in a concert, even just a front act or perform randomly at a bar
44. Dance in a Hiphop Concert
45. Compete in a tennis tournament, again
46. Direct a short film or music video
47. Learn to prepare and cook a foreign dish
48. Learn foreign language
49. Eat Balut
50. Eat Tamilok
51. Eat Isaw
52. Pet an exotic pet, like a tarantulla or a snake
53. Pet a big dog i haven't owned
54. Hug a polar or panda bear
55. Name a star after me, officially.
56. Go backpacking
57. Visit one of the 7 wonders of the world
58. Audition for Myx Vj's
59. Appear in a commercial or music video
60. Post a home made video in Youtube
61. Write a book
62. Donate Blood
63. Meet someone famous
65. Celebrate our Golden Anniversary.
66. Get into a fist fight
67. Punch through a "break glass in case of fire" even though there's no fire
68. Start a 365 Project and actually finish it
69. Get a tat and actually get away with it
70. Throw a pair of shoes up on a tree/post
71, Trace the farthest that I can of my genealogy
72. Host a New Year Party with friends
73. Eat.Pray.Love.
74. Eat at restaurant with names A-Z.
75. Revisit the past.
76. Give a "life-saving" cpr.
simply : bliss
I am happy with how my life is going. I am living my life by the day, by the moment and not by any other pace. I try to pursue genuine happiness; happiness in simplicity. I may not be living the most desirable life, nor is my life anywhere near perfection, but my life and its imperfections are what makes everything worth while.
I am happy. I do not need to make other people feel miserable so that I would have something to compare, so that I would feel better for myself. I feel good about my life, and I don't need anyone else to judge it for me.
I find no need to vulgarly show the world my happiness nor do I find the need to shout it out to everyone I know. The world does not need to know that I am happy, it's enough that I know that I am genuinely in bliss.
My life is not always blissful, not always bright, but its always a pleasure to live.♥
i love you to the stars.
I am happy. I do not need to make other people feel miserable so that I would have something to compare, so that I would feel better for myself. I feel good about my life, and I don't need anyone else to judge it for me.
I find no need to vulgarly show the world my happiness nor do I find the need to shout it out to everyone I know. The world does not need to know that I am happy, it's enough that I know that I am genuinely in bliss.
My life is not always blissful, not always bright, but its always a pleasure to live.♥
i love you to the stars.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
because songs speak..
You still hurt me, William Fritzsimmons
I'm not comfortable with how we never talk
And I've missed you since you went out for that walk
It's been 13 months since May
It still feels like yesterday
I was scared to fix what I had broke
It's a lonely place to live with just a ghost
There is love left in my life, I will see
But you still hurt me
I can still see all your clothes thrown on the floor
There are friends who never call me anymore
I remember throwing out all of your things
But I think I kept my ring
I'm not comfortable with how the story ends
We were lovers and now we're not even friends
You were perfect and I guess I'm just a creep
But you still hurt me
I'm not comfortable with how we never talk
And I've missed you since you went out for that walk
It's been 13 months since May
It still feels like yesterday
I was scared to fix what I had broke
It's a lonely place to live with just a ghost
There is love left in my life, I will see
But you still hurt me
I can still see all your clothes thrown on the floor
There are friends who never call me anymore
I remember throwing out all of your things
But I think I kept my ring
I'm not comfortable with how the story ends
We were lovers and now we're not even friends
You were perfect and I guess I'm just a creep
But you still hurt me
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
..the only weakness to a rather invulnerable heart..
I may not be Superwoman but my future man will surely be my Kryptonite... ♥
Forgive the cheesy-ness, cut me some slack, i'm in the hopeless-romantic-I'll-find-my-prince-charming-soon mood.
I'm sure you've heard of the cliche "You have all your standards but the one you'll love will always be an exemption to the rule". I believe that when s/he's the God given man or woman, s/he won't have to be an exemption to the rule because God gives us only the best. I know that God hears our prayers, I know it in my heart that He fulfills the desires of our hearts in His perfect timing. So here I am again, telling God what I want in a man. It's never wrong to have standards, only goes to show how much you regard yourself, a beautiful creation of the awesome, awesome Man above.
Physical Attributes (and everything else that would fall under this)
I'd love it for him to be/have:
* At least a FEW inches taller than I am.
* Physically fit. (Not necessarily muscular, or thin, just fit)
* Nice eyes and a nice nose. (I am not a fan of chinitos though)
* Nice teeth. (I notice mouth a lot. Lips, teeth, yes)
* Well groomed nails (finger nails AND toe nails)
* Well groomed hair (I don't mind if it's long or short)
* A good sense of fashion. (does not have to be "in-style" just "matching")
* Does not wear strong perfume. (I hate strong men perfume gad)
* Preferably moreno. (:">)
Characteristics (and yes, everything else that would fall under this)
I'd love it for him to be/have:
* A strong relationship with the Great Man above. That he loves Him more than he loves me.
* A good relationship with his parents and siblings. (Especially girl siblings)
* A good set of friends. (Yes it matters to me if his friends are a bunch of j*rks and aholes. Yes it matters who his friends are.)
* A good conversationalist. One who does not talk about himself 60-100% of the time. One who I can talk with about anything and everything under the sun.
* Level headed, period.
* Mature in all aspects (spiritual, emotional, psychological financial). (or is at least getting there, you know.)
* Goal Oriented. Has goals and plans that he'd WANT to ACHIEVE.
* Family Oriented. I'm a family person.
* Good with kids. I love kids.
* A nice speaking voice. (I can't stand guys with high pitched voice. sorry.)
* Musically inclined. (Not necessarily music as his main passion, but one of them.)
* Athletic. No not really. hmmm, sporty?
* Adventurous. Who's up for anything.
* Understanding and patient.
I want someone who can leave me but chooses to stay with me. I want someone who understands that love is not a feeling or an emotion but a choice and a commitment. I want someone who won't leave me for someone more beautiful or someone more understanding because to him I am more than enough. ♥
Stargirl.
Forgive the cheesy-ness, cut me some slack, i'm in the hopeless-romantic-I'll-find-my-prince-charming-soon mood.
I'm sure you've heard of the cliche "You have all your standards but the one you'll love will always be an exemption to the rule". I believe that when s/he's the God given man or woman, s/he won't have to be an exemption to the rule because God gives us only the best. I know that God hears our prayers, I know it in my heart that He fulfills the desires of our hearts in His perfect timing. So here I am again, telling God what I want in a man. It's never wrong to have standards, only goes to show how much you regard yourself, a beautiful creation of the awesome, awesome Man above.
Physical Attributes (and everything else that would fall under this)
I'd love it for him to be/have:
* At least a FEW inches taller than I am.
* Physically fit. (Not necessarily muscular, or thin, just fit)
* Nice eyes and a nice nose. (I am not a fan of chinitos though)
* Nice teeth. (I notice mouth a lot. Lips, teeth, yes)
* Well groomed nails (finger nails AND toe nails)
* Well groomed hair (I don't mind if it's long or short)
* A good sense of fashion. (does not have to be "in-style" just "matching")
* Does not wear strong perfume. (I hate strong men perfume gad)
* Preferably moreno. (:">)
Characteristics (and yes, everything else that would fall under this)
I'd love it for him to be/have:
* A strong relationship with the Great Man above. That he loves Him more than he loves me.
* A good relationship with his parents and siblings. (Especially girl siblings)
* A good set of friends. (Yes it matters to me if his friends are a bunch of j*rks and aholes. Yes it matters who his friends are.)
* A good conversationalist. One who does not talk about himself 60-100% of the time. One who I can talk with about anything and everything under the sun.
* Level headed, period.
* Mature in all aspects (spiritual, emotional, psychological financial). (or is at least getting there, you know.)
* Goal Oriented. Has goals and plans that he'd WANT to ACHIEVE.
* Family Oriented. I'm a family person.
* Good with kids. I love kids.
* A nice speaking voice. (I can't stand guys with high pitched voice. sorry.)
* Musically inclined. (Not necessarily music as his main passion, but one of them.)
* Athletic. No not really. hmmm, sporty?
* Adventurous. Who's up for anything.
* Understanding and patient.
I want someone who can leave me but chooses to stay with me. I want someone who understands that love is not a feeling or an emotion but a choice and a commitment. I want someone who won't leave me for someone more beautiful or someone more understanding because to him I am more than enough. ♥
Stargirl.
The Script is talking to me.
Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down...
Don’t keep yourself away
Don’t live your life that way
Of course he’s gonna say anything you want
Then leave quicker than he came now you got yourself to blame
Don’t put yourself back in the fire again
It’s the same damn things you’re so quick to believe
You do it over and over again
And it’s the same mistakes that I’m watching you make
You do it over and over again
So before they bring you down
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down x4
Oh, please don’t be so naïve
Don’t wait ‘till your heart bleeds
Love wasn’t built for speed, listen to me girl
He keeps fuckin’ with your head, tryna get you into bed
And in the morning you’ll just hate yourself
It’s the same damn things you’re so quick to believe
You do it over and over again
And it’s the same mistakes that I’m watching you make
You do it over and over again
So before they bring you down
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down x4
And you give until there’s nothing to give
Until there’s nothing to give
Until there’s nothing to give x3
Before they bring you down
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for everything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
Before they break you down, down, down
Cause girl they’ll bring you down, down, down
Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down
Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down
Hey, why write a song for me and not include my name in it? it's the only thing that's lacking in this song. gad.
Don’t keep yourself away
Don’t live your life that way
Of course he’s gonna say anything you want
Then leave quicker than he came now you got yourself to blame
Don’t put yourself back in the fire again
It’s the same damn things you’re so quick to believe
You do it over and over again
And it’s the same mistakes that I’m watching you make
You do it over and over again
So before they bring you down
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down x4
Oh, please don’t be so naïve
Don’t wait ‘till your heart bleeds
Love wasn’t built for speed, listen to me girl
He keeps fuckin’ with your head, tryna get you into bed
And in the morning you’ll just hate yourself
It’s the same damn things you’re so quick to believe
You do it over and over again
And it’s the same mistakes that I’m watching you make
You do it over and over again
So before they bring you down
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down x4
And you give until there’s nothing to give
Until there’s nothing to give
Until there’s nothing to give x3
Before they bring you down
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for everything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
You’ve gotta stand for something or you’ll fall for anything
Fall for anything
Before they break you down, down, down
Cause girl they’ll bring you down, down, down
Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down
Cause they’ll bring you down, down, down
Hey, why write a song for me and not include my name in it? it's the only thing that's lacking in this song. gad.
Monday, November 15, 2010
This Heart of Mine can make it through..
I believe that in time my heart will heal again
and i believe that in time my heart will feel again
so i keep on holding on (yeah)
so i keep on being strong (yeah)
cos i know one day i'm gonna feel again
i know one day i'm gonna feel again
and i know although my heart hurts now
i'll find a way to get up off the ground
cos i know one day i'm gonna feel again
i believe that this heart of mine can make it through
and i believe that my heart can make it over you
so i keep on holding on (yeah)
so i keep on being strong (yeah)
cos i know one day i'm gonna feel again
i know one day i'm gonna feel again
and i know although my heart hurts now
i'll find a way to get up off the ground
cos i know one day i'm gonna feel again
and though it's hard for me to breathe
and even harder to believe
i know that one day i'm gonna find
i'm gonna be just fine
cos i know one day i'm gonna feel again
i know one day i'm gonna feel again
and i know although my heart hurts now
i'll find a way to get up off the ground
cos i know one day i'm gonna feel again
and i believe that in time my heart will feel again
so i keep on holding on (yeah)
so i keep on being strong (yeah)
cos i know one day i'm gonna feel again
i know one day i'm gonna feel again
and i know although my heart hurts now
i'll find a way to get up off the ground
cos i know one day i'm gonna feel again
i believe that this heart of mine can make it through
and i believe that my heart can make it over you
so i keep on holding on (yeah)
so i keep on being strong (yeah)
cos i know one day i'm gonna feel again
i know one day i'm gonna feel again
and i know although my heart hurts now
i'll find a way to get up off the ground
cos i know one day i'm gonna feel again
and though it's hard for me to breathe
and even harder to believe
i know that one day i'm gonna find
i'm gonna be just fine
cos i know one day i'm gonna feel again
i know one day i'm gonna feel again
and i know although my heart hurts now
i'll find a way to get up off the ground
cos i know one day i'm gonna feel again
Saturday, November 13, 2010
when you are high on coffee and your brain is finally working right.
This is a compilation of different messages I sent out to a friend, which I am particularly proud of. Coffee really does magic.
Part 1:
"Kanina, suddenly naisip ko siya. Naisip ko I'm in love with that man who was with me, and now that he's not, these feelings I have are just from the aftershock of everything. Sometimes I cry, but I realize that it's only because my pride was really crushed. I sometimes want him back but again realize that all I want is a boyfriend. When I think about it, I don't even think I can fit him back into my life again. It's been way too long that I've detached myself from the thought of him and well him and I.
Part 2:
I'm longing for the things we used to do, but now it doesn't really matter with who. When I see him with her I feel jealous, not because they're together but because I want what they have. Not the wrong parts of it of course, only the part of actually having someone. I'm really not affected anymore, but I think I am and therefore I am.But when I don't think about it, I'm really not. I now believe that we create our own pain and that suffering is really a choice. I wanna be hard on myself for not realizing all of these sooner, but I don't want to blame myself for being hurt with that the excuse of being a little stupid and morbid.
Part 3:
I realize that it's not true what people say, that you know it's love when your partner's happiness is more important than yours. I believe that it your happiness and theirs are equally important, maybe yours sometimes a little more. I don't think it's being selfish when you think of your happiness cause in the first place, your partner would want you happy. I realize that you should never compromise or sacrifice your happiness. A relationship should be healthy and beneficial to both parties.
Part 4:
I don't believe that couples who fight a lot are really in love. fighting is normal, but it's another thing to fight a lot. Not only is it not healthy but it hurts the both of you in the process of arguing and making up. If you're partner doesn't want to talk about the things that upset him, doubt, cause a real man faces problems and not just finishes them. And in the end, it doesn't matter who's right or wrong, what matters is that you talked about it and faced them together. I think it's really lame to break up because of issues, cause if that's the case you will never settle with one. I think it's lame to say because you're nasasakal or because you fell out of love. You don't just wake up one day and realize you've fallen out of love because love is a continuous choice and a continuous decision and it is way beyond feelings.
Part 5:
Life is crazy and shitty! and it will always be unfair but who said things worth fighting for came easy? it sucks that there's an emptiness in my heart but it's not for anyone else to fill, not for anyone else but myself and of course the great MAN above. Two people should already be complete when they enter a relationship and not find someone who would complete them.
the effect of coffee; it races your heart and it awakens your mind.
Part 1:
"Kanina, suddenly naisip ko siya. Naisip ko I'm in love with that man who was with me, and now that he's not, these feelings I have are just from the aftershock of everything. Sometimes I cry, but I realize that it's only because my pride was really crushed. I sometimes want him back but again realize that all I want is a boyfriend. When I think about it, I don't even think I can fit him back into my life again. It's been way too long that I've detached myself from the thought of him and well him and I.
Part 2:
I'm longing for the things we used to do, but now it doesn't really matter with who. When I see him with her I feel jealous, not because they're together but because I want what they have. Not the wrong parts of it of course, only the part of actually having someone. I'm really not affected anymore, but I think I am and therefore I am.But when I don't think about it, I'm really not. I now believe that we create our own pain and that suffering is really a choice. I wanna be hard on myself for not realizing all of these sooner, but I don't want to blame myself for being hurt with that the excuse of being a little stupid and morbid.
Part 3:
I realize that it's not true what people say, that you know it's love when your partner's happiness is more important than yours. I believe that it your happiness and theirs are equally important, maybe yours sometimes a little more. I don't think it's being selfish when you think of your happiness cause in the first place, your partner would want you happy. I realize that you should never compromise or sacrifice your happiness. A relationship should be healthy and beneficial to both parties.
Part 4:
I don't believe that couples who fight a lot are really in love. fighting is normal, but it's another thing to fight a lot. Not only is it not healthy but it hurts the both of you in the process of arguing and making up. If you're partner doesn't want to talk about the things that upset him, doubt, cause a real man faces problems and not just finishes them. And in the end, it doesn't matter who's right or wrong, what matters is that you talked about it and faced them together. I think it's really lame to break up because of issues, cause if that's the case you will never settle with one. I think it's lame to say because you're nasasakal or because you fell out of love. You don't just wake up one day and realize you've fallen out of love because love is a continuous choice and a continuous decision and it is way beyond feelings.
Part 5:
Life is crazy and shitty! and it will always be unfair but who said things worth fighting for came easy? it sucks that there's an emptiness in my heart but it's not for anyone else to fill, not for anyone else but myself and of course the great MAN above. Two people should already be complete when they enter a relationship and not find someone who would complete them.
the effect of coffee; it races your heart and it awakens your mind.
of fiction books, epiphanies and self-importance..
I recently bought a book entitled, Last Night at Chateau Marmont, which by the way I bought from my "stress buying" mood. I bought it for the 3 (very petty)reasons. One was because I was in desperate need to read a non-academic book, two was because (like I said earlier) I was stressed from a recent situation with a girl friend, and lastly because I thought I could relate to the "plot of the book". It was so inviting, the blurb, and I just wanted to read through the pages already. "...For five years, she's worked two jobs to support her husband's dream of making it to the music world... Brooke begins to question the truth about their marriage and is forced to finally come to terms wth what she thinks she wants-- and what she actually needs."
Today I finished the book and I honestly did not expect how everything turned out in the end. After reading the book, I felt so empowered not because of the book itself but because the book made me realize what I really wanted (not in the way the book wanted to). I suddenly realized that I had some thoughts on certain things and issues. I realized that I was so blinded by everything that I overlooked the more important details of situations and well certain events.
Today was a day of epiphanies and self-importance.
We sometimes think that we know what's happening, and expect the outcome, or anticipate that certain things followed. The thing is, nothing is certain, we can never be so sure. We cannot expect or anticipate or assume that this will happen or that it won't. We disappoint ourselves with our own stereotyping, with our own "but that's not supposed to happen".
I don't know If I'm still making sense but I hope I was able to convey what I was trying to say.
Anywaaaaaaaaay. Let's talk about the book. The book is written by the same author that wrote The Devil Wears Prada. Funny how I patterned Last Night at Chateau Marmont with that book. I'm glad she is not the predictable,patterned type. This book is a book of hope and I appreciate how it was written (careful and conservative). I won't say it's a feel good book, cause it will really stir up emotions like anger or spite but it's a good and easy read book. :)
Today I finished the book and I honestly did not expect how everything turned out in the end. After reading the book, I felt so empowered not because of the book itself but because the book made me realize what I really wanted (not in the way the book wanted to). I suddenly realized that I had some thoughts on certain things and issues. I realized that I was so blinded by everything that I overlooked the more important details of situations and well certain events.
Today was a day of epiphanies and self-importance.
We sometimes think that we know what's happening, and expect the outcome, or anticipate that certain things followed. The thing is, nothing is certain, we can never be so sure. We cannot expect or anticipate or assume that this will happen or that it won't. We disappoint ourselves with our own stereotyping, with our own "but that's not supposed to happen".
I don't know If I'm still making sense but I hope I was able to convey what I was trying to say.
Anywaaaaaaaaay. Let's talk about the book. The book is written by the same author that wrote The Devil Wears Prada. Funny how I patterned Last Night at Chateau Marmont with that book. I'm glad she is not the predictable,patterned type. This book is a book of hope and I appreciate how it was written (careful and conservative). I won't say it's a feel good book, cause it will really stir up emotions like anger or spite but it's a good and easy read book. :)
Variations on the Word Sleep (Margarette Atwood)
I would like to watch you sleeping,
which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head.
and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear
I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as beathing in
I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.
which may not happen.
I would like to watch you,
sleeping. I would like to sleep
with you, to enter
your sleep as its smooth dark wave
slides over my head.
and walk with you through that lucent
wavering forest of bluegreen leaves
with its watery sun & three moons
towards the cave where you must descend,
towards your worst fear
I would like to give you the silver
branch, the small white flower, the one
word that will protect you
from the grief at the center
of your dream, from the grief
at the center. I would like to follow
you up the long stairway
again & become
the boat that would row you back
carefully, a flame
in two cupped hands
to where your body lies
beside me, and you enter
it as easily as beathing in
I would like to be the air
that inhabits you for a moment
only. I would like to be that unnoticed
& that necessary.
e.e. cummings Poetry Festival Entry 5
if everything happens that can't be done
if everything happens that can't be done
(and anything's righter
than books
could plan)
the stupidest teacher will almost guess
(eith a run
skip
around we go yes)
there's nothing as something as one
one hasn't a why or because or although
(and buds know better
than books
don't grow)
one's anything old being everything new
(with a what
which
around we come who)
one's everanything so
so world is a leaf so tree is a bough
(and birds sing sweeter
than books
tell how)
so here is away and so your is a my
(with a down
up
around again fly)
forever was never till now
now i love you and you love me
(and books are shutter
than books
it is at moments after i have dreamed
can be)
and deep in the high that does nothing but fall
(with a shout
each
around we go all)
there's somebody calling who's we
we're anything brighter than even the sun
(we're everything greater
than books
might mean)
we're everyanything more than believe
(with a spin
leap
alive we're alive)
we're wonderful one times one
if everything happens that can't be done
(and anything's righter
than books
could plan)
the stupidest teacher will almost guess
(eith a run
skip
around we go yes)
there's nothing as something as one
one hasn't a why or because or although
(and buds know better
than books
don't grow)
one's anything old being everything new
(with a what
which
around we come who)
one's everanything so
so world is a leaf so tree is a bough
(and birds sing sweeter
than books
tell how)
so here is away and so your is a my
(with a down
up
around again fly)
forever was never till now
now i love you and you love me
(and books are shutter
than books
it is at moments after i have dreamed
can be)
and deep in the high that does nothing but fall
(with a shout
each
around we go all)
there's somebody calling who's we
we're anything brighter than even the sun
(we're everything greater
than books
might mean)
we're everyanything more than believe
(with a spin
leap
alive we're alive)
we're wonderful one times one
e.e. cummings Poetry Festival Entry 4
it is at moments after i have dreamed
it is at moments after i have dreamed
of the rare entertainment of your eyes,
when (being fool to fancy) i have deemed
with your peculiar mouth my heart made wise;
at moments when the glassy darkness holds
the genuine apparition of your smile
(it was through tears always)and silence moulds
such strangeness as was mine a little while;
moments when my once more illustrious arms
are filled with fascination, when my breast
wears the intolerant brightness of your charms:
one pierced moment whiter than the rest
-turning from the tremendous lie of sleep
i watch the roses of the day grow deep.
it is at moments after i have dreamed
of the rare entertainment of your eyes,
when (being fool to fancy) i have deemed
with your peculiar mouth my heart made wise;
at moments when the glassy darkness holds
the genuine apparition of your smile
(it was through tears always)and silence moulds
such strangeness as was mine a little while;
moments when my once more illustrious arms
are filled with fascination, when my breast
wears the intolerant brightness of your charms:
one pierced moment whiter than the rest
-turning from the tremendous lie of sleep
i watch the roses of the day grow deep.
e.e. cummings Poetry Festival Entry 3
95 poems, 92
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
nothing false and possible is love
(who's imagined,therefore is limitless)
love's to giving as to keeping's give;
as yes is to if,love is to yes
must's a schoolroom in the month of may:
life's the deathboard where all now turns when
(love's a universe beyond obey
or command,reality or un-)
proudly depths above why's first because
(faith's last doubt and humbly heights below)
kneeling,we-true lovers-pray that us
will ourselves continue to outgrow
all whose mosts if you have known and i've
only we our least begin to guess
i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)
nothing false and possible is love
(who's imagined,therefore is limitless)
love's to giving as to keeping's give;
as yes is to if,love is to yes
must's a schoolroom in the month of may:
life's the deathboard where all now turns when
(love's a universe beyond obey
or command,reality or un-)
proudly depths above why's first because
(faith's last doubt and humbly heights below)
kneeling,we-true lovers-pray that us
will ourselves continue to outgrow
all whose mosts if you have known and i've
only we our least begin to guess
e.e. cummings Poetry Festival Entry 2
is 5, Four, VII
since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world
my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
-the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says
we are for each other: then
laugh leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph
And death i think is no parenthesis
since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world
my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
-the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says
we are for each other: then
laugh leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph
And death i think is no parenthesis
e.e. cummings Poetry Festival Entry 1
Somewhere i have never traveled, gladly beyond
somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose
or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands.
somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near
your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skillfully, mysteriously) her first rose
or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;
nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the colour of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing
(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands.
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