honestly very depressed.

i used to perform, with ease. i used to sing naturally. i lost it. i lost that talent. i guess i'm really not a performer, just a worshiper. i used to be really confident.

i can't get my notes right, i can't get my breathing right. maybe i should already give it up. haay.

it was the only thing i could do without any struggle. it was the only thing i was good at. i guess maybe i just thought i was.

to the lovely katy pery. please forgive me for not bringing justice to your song.

i wanna cry. :((

Hopeless Romantic.

The cold season is not doing me any good. My toes are freezing and my nose is sneezy. But the worst thing about the cold season having no one to cuddle up with.

♥I miss holding hands and the feeling of security while at it.
♥I miss having someone greet me "good morning" knowing that I'm the first person he thought of in the morning.
♥I miss having someone greet me "good night" knowing that I'm the last person he had on his mind that day.
♥I miss hearing sweet and random "i love you"s.
♥I miss having someone to cuddle with.
♥I miss having an only pair of lips I'd want to kiss.
♥I miss having someone to take care of.
♥I miss having someone to love.
♥I miss having someone to talk to and rant to at the end of the day.
♥I miss having someone.

Here I am Lord, consume me.

It's a couple of minutes till four and I'm actually still deciding whether I'm actually excited or nervous about this. The thing is, in less two hours I'll be preaching or exhorting, whatever you want to call it, to a young crowd. I'm going to be talking about doing things for God exactly where you are. I'm not an expert to the topic, I haven't always been doing the hard things that God has been wanting me to do, but I know that I have always wanted and that I have always tried.

This week was really something. It started out inspiring then challenging then now exciting. I guess that it was a taste of the feelings you'll have when doing the hard things for God. Inspiring. Challenging. Exciting.

God, I pray that you use me. I pray that people would see the You in me and not any of me. May Your presence fill that room. May Your love be the main reason as to why we do the things we do. Lord may Your name be the only name recognized and acknowledged and praised and glorified!

God consume me that the words that would come out of my mouth would be Your words. Consume me God that the words that would flow would be from Your wisdom and knowledge. Lord may they see that age is not a hindrance, that one's age should not keep him from doing great things!

Lord in my small way, Lord my You be exalted mightily!

"And if our God is for us, then who could ever stop us?"

I cannot put into words the beauty of the feeling when worshiping the Father. I cannot fathom even a fraction of it. I would want to make a blog out of it, but as of now, I just can't find the right words. What I know is that this is what I want to be filled with, this is what I want to be fueled with.

My God, I cannot even comprehend the beauty of Your presence nor can I grasp the greatness of Your grace and love.

Lord, help me sort out the things I have to give up so that I would have the room to be filled by You and with You again.

To everyone else, I leave you with this song. May it inspire you the same way it inspired me.

Chris Tomlin-Our God by tRiK11

I love being young and youthful!

Yes, the title says it all. But no, I will still say it all. haha!

I love how I'm actually enjoying my youth. I love that I can go out with my friends and not worry about someone waiting for me to get home (except my mom of course). I love how I can spend my money on the things I like and the things i love doing. I love how I have all the time I can get, although I can never get enough of it. I love how I can have a crush on different guys and not feel so guilty only because there's no one owning my heart yet. I love how I can be a girl and a lady at the same time. I just love how I'm rediscovering myself and everything around me.

To everyone out there, I really encourage you to just enjoy and live by the moment. You're only young for a short period of time, live your life. ♥

Narcissism aside.

Here's the deal, I thought maybe it would be sort of a good idea to have an entry that's actually about me. Not for any vain and self-centered reason but for people to at least know a little more about me, besides how they know me and how they think I am. So feel free to read on, or not... It doesn't matter... :)

It's not exactly new information and a lot of you know that I kind-of grew up in Palawan. No I did not live by the beach, but I certainly went to the beach very often. I studied at Palawan Hope Christian School for kindergarten and elementary. I used to play Lawn Tennis, I still do, only during my grade school years, I was actively competing. I was able to join "Batang Pinoy" a naional meet and "MIMAROPA meet" a regional meet.

My Mom, my brother and I moved to Manila after I graduated from grade school. I studied high school in St. Scholastica's College, Manila and graduated high school there. I am currently in my 2nd Year in De La Salle University taking up AB- Development Studies as my pre-law course. I will [hopefully] graduate by June 2012 and will take up Law after that. I knooow, I still have a lot of studying to do. Dear Lord, be graceful!

Okay, other than that boring stuff about me... I still have some things about me that I wanna share. :)

I am not all girly. I don't like pink and I don't like Barbie, well not anymore. I am not a fan of Hello Kitty and other girly icons that are usually associated with girls.

I like big bikes, no like is an understatement. I LOVE LOVE LOVE BIG BIKES! I am a big fan of Ducatis and Harley Davidsons, I swear! I can ride those things any time! When they roar, it's like music to my ears and it cause me nothing but excitement and thrill. I am also the type of girl who'd choose a pick up truck over a car ANYTIME. I am really into pick-ups especially white or black ones. I am loving the new Navarra. I also love the classic Dodge Ram. I am totally for a Range Rover, Oh drool! And I like the built of Fortuners and Monteros! So yes, big cars for me! But don't get me wrong I like small cars too. The Cruze and the Mazda 3 are for me.I also like classic cars and muscle cars. The classic mustang and the classic cougar are also drool triggers for me!

I am also a lover of dogs! I like Shitzu's for their cuteness, but that's the only breed of small dogs that I like. I am more of the Doberman, German Shepherd, Rottweiller kind of Dog Lover. I like Dalmatians and Retrievers too! Oh my gosh, I miss having dogs. :) You'd sometimes spot me petting K9 dogs at the malls or by Shang Makati. Haha!

Another thing that I like about me being low maintenance and not too girly is my intense desire to experience extreme sports. Para-sailing, Wakeboarding, sky diving, bungee jumping, you name it! I'm game!

So yeah. This is another side of me. I hope you'd still find me normal after this. Haha!

little stars on a green clay mug..

my heart was shattered in the same way the mug was when i saw it broken and glued back together. it wasn't the same, it was broken and the glue marks were so obvious. till now i don't know how to react to the unfortunate accident. i don't know if i should treat it as a sign, or should i be sad because it's the only remnant of him in this house. i really don't know. should i be glad cause another reminder of him is now almost gone? maybe. in some way i am relieved that it's not the mug i have to use for morning coffees anymore, but in a way my heart breaks cause even if i hate him, the mug means a lot to me. oh, waves of emotions.

broken. leave it that way, she says.