Katharsis.

It's a few days short of the new year and I am definitely looking forward to new beginnings. This year has been a crazy-emotional roller coaster ride and I think I've had about enough for this year, it's about time to step out of the roller coaster.

Gad this year was, I can't even find the right words to use to describe it. Kathartic? Probably the nearest I can derive for what I am trying to capture.

This year had it's high and lows, I'd say it was almost an equal portion of each. The first six months was at it's peak and the remaining six was the regression of it all.

I will never forget the blissful days that ran through January till April. The fun-filled and adventurous days of summer and the anxiety of it ending will forever be a part of this year's memories. I will always remember the struggles and tears of my June through August and the painfully slow recovery from the worst heartbreak during the last four months of the year.

I will not dare say that I took this year well, for I really did not. I spent most of my time crying and wondering and wallowing and being pathetic. I cried in the dark, I cried in the shower, I cried over dinner, over the phone, over chips, over ice cream, over him. I cried wherever I wanted and whenever I wanted, it was just that bad. I still break down at times, I still cry sometimes, but I can at least say it's better now. It hurts a little less than it used to, though the memories are all still clear to me. Like I always say, I do not regret anything. If there is anything I am regretful of, it's the time I missed out on my life. But all is well.

My most favorite part of this year was my birthday celebration, it's definitely the highlight of the year. Everything was just absolutely blissful. Almost everyone that I had wished to be there was there to be a part of the memory. Everything had gone according to plan, if I could just turn back the hands of time it would be to that day, that very moment where in all I could feel was happiness.

I will also not forget the numerous opportunities that God has given me this year. I will always treasure the trust and confidence He had in me to have given me such great opportunities. Lord, thank You for the times You have chosen me to have led worship. Thank You Lord that you have allowed me to pass through your sifting though weary, victorious. Thank You Lord that You never gave up on me, though stubborn Your love was more stubborn. Lord Thank You, I will forever be honored and grateful.

So yes, this was a challenging year. I didn't know what to expect at the beginning nor did I know what to expect when it ends. But like a roller coaster ride, there were those moments that were fun, adrenalin filled, exciting and enjoyable, but there were also those moments that were nauseating, hurtful, and scary. There were times that I just wanted it all to end, I just wanted the ride to stop already because I couldn't handle it anymore. But like a roller coaster ride, after all the mixed emotions and after all the fear, in the end I was able to bear everything and get down with all the pieces of me still intact. Although my legs are wobbly after the ride, I can say that I overcame it with courage and strength.

I bid farewell to the once loved year 2010, as I prepare for the incoming 2011.

2011, please be kind.

I'm almost ready. ♥

It's about time to give happiness another chance. ♥

It's been months, and there's only a few more days left of this year..

I've agreed [with myself] that I am giving myself a deadline. Not really a deadline but a mark of an end and a possibly beautiful beginning. It's about time to stop being reminiscent of the past, it's senseless and unworthy. It's time to finally move forward, not just move on but move forward.

When I think of the things that I have gone through, everything this year, nothing but mixed emotions come to me. Anger, bitterness, hatred, pain, a pinch of happiness, mostly angst if you would notice. And I have come to realize that I have devoted so much of my time and energy into being hateful and angry, which by the way are very tiring to be. It's about time to let things go, things that I wouldn't be needing the next year. It's about to get rid of the excess baggage, because excess baggages are costly. I want to bring with me only what I can and what I should for my trip to 2011, nothing more nothing less.

I'm really looking forward to a better year next year. Exciting things are coming up and can't help but smile in my eagerness and excitement as I look forward to these things. Summer 2011, the school's centennial celebration, another birthday and well, graduation. I know graduation won't be until the year after next but 2011 will be my "senior" year and it's the start of the end of another chapter in my life.

I'm really not expecting a new love next year, though it would be really lovely if something sprouts. I don't want to rush and I just want to wait, but if it does come my way I'm willing to start something. I want to be courted at least.

But yes. 2011. I'm really looking forward to more fun-filled-lesson-bearing experiences. 2011, don't let me down.

Sincerely, Me.