it's been a while..

it never came to my mind that we would one day sit down and talk about you, and the girl that took you away from me. apparently you thought of it, cause you said you knew no one else that would understand you the way I do.

we talked as if we there was nothing that happened between us. for the first time in a long time, i was a friend to you and it didn't hurt as much as I expected it to. not that I enjoyed seeing you almost broken, talking about your problems, but it felt nice to be able to help.

i really can't explain how i'm feeling now but all I know is that i'm glad we're friends, and I'm glad that I was the first person you thought about when you needed someone to talk to.

i hope one day things make sense.

that laugh, the one i love..

Today is the 19th of October, another 19 I will not be celebrating, another 19 better left unnoticed.

I was impatiently waiting under my umbrella when I suddenly had this picture of you in my mind. I see that face of yours I can never seem to forget. I see that face when you're cracking up from something you yourself are saying. I remember how genuine that laughter was, how innocent and how happy.

We were once happy, weren't we? Or was I the only one?

I thought of you so much today, maybe even too much that it started to hurt again. I allowed a few tears to roll down my cheek in memory of you. I allowed a little hurt to squeeze my heart and a little time to reminisce.

I still think about you sometimes, and still wish that I could have you back at times.. and maybe I even allow myself to wallow in the why's sometimes.. I miss you dear..

I miss you and how you showed up when I needed you to or wanted you to.. I miss how you say my name as if it were so precious.. I miss how you gently slip your hand in mine.. I miss how you smile, and I miss how you laugh.. I miss how you told me I love you.. and I miss the person I was with you..

it's sad that I can never really tell you anymore.. I miss that laugh, the one I love..