Here's to the new era, to new beginnings and to sweet endings!

It is with great pleasure that I type here tonight my final goodbye to year 2010.

Ohh yeah!

Here's to the heart breaks and pains that 2010 has brought me. Here's to the tears I've cried and the sleepless nights I had. Here's to the hole that was once drilled in my chest. Here's to stupid lies and stupid lame ass excuses. Here's to all the drama. Raise your hands and wave, goodbye! cause it's 2011 baby and I have no use of any of you anymore!

2010 has surely been a tough year, but it's one of the years where in I enjoyed my life most. Reconnection is the one word I can use to describe what I experienced. My reconnection with God, with my family, with my friends and most importantly, with myself. In 2010 I fell out of love, and fell in love once again. In 2010 I got my heart shattered and in that same year I got it pieced back together.

I cannot thank The Man Above for His constant protection, guidance, grace and more importantly, His love. For without all these that He has given, I would have been dead, insane, or severely depressed by now. God's stubborn love is the love that gave me and continuously gives me hope. Dad, thank you so much for being such a great dad. Disciplining me when I've done too much and too far, and loving me when I least deserve it. Thank you Lord for helping me endure this year, and for giving me the best way to en it! LOVE YOU DAD!

To my ever so patient friends who stuck by me even after all the ranting and crying and whining and talking, thank you so much. Thank you for being there in my lowest of lows, and because of all your patience, love and support, I have learned to once again be happy. Thank you for still looking at me the same, despite everything that has happened. I will forever treasure everything that we shared that year. Forever.

To you. thanks for giving me another shot to live my life in a better way!

To my church friends, thank you for the love and the support too. Though sometimes, you are the ones who make situations awkward. haha!

To Hazel my forever Term buddy and Thea my almost term buddy. Thank you! Words can never be enough, and will never be enough. This person I am now, you can actually take credit for. There will be that part of me that will always be of you. :)

To Beatrice, who stuck with me through everything, I love you so much. thank you for our revelation nights, and crazy random nights and food trips. you already know all this. But still, thank you so much!

To Martha, Audrey and Jabesse, who stayed the same even after several years. I am always here for you, and I can still be the "ate" you might be needing in the future.

To my barkada, whom I will not anymore name one by one. you the 10 of you. Thank you so much, for everything! You guys mean the world to me, really. more of us in 2011! :)

To Jica, Michelle and Roshni. to loves I never lost... Thank you so much for staying the same no matter the distance and time. thank you that we're still friends, despite everything else. :)

and to everyone else that I may have failed to acknowledge, I just wanna thank you for sticking with me through everything. it means the world to me. :)

And so with everything that has been said and mentioned, and with everything that has been withdrawn out of this chest, allow me to again greet you all a very very Happy start to the New Era! :)

A different kind of Hyper Happy! ♥

(This will be my first taglish/engelog blog. haha! bear with me. :p)

So yesterday I got invited to a friend's debut party and I was in panic cause I didn't have anything to wear because I was very unprepared. So today, I went to my cousins' house and looked for a dress to wear. I settled with the black and polka dot and red baby doll dress. I wore with it gray leggings and my grey flats, I was scared that because I was tall, the dress may be too short and I think heels would over do the look, so i settled with sort-of simplicity.

When we were about to leave the house na, I called up Audrey, and asked if she wanted me to fetch her. Sabi niya si Fred na raw ang susundo sakanya. Sabi ko ako nalang, cause my dad allowed me and kuya to bring the van. She said to call Fred, I was hesitant but of course I did want to call him. Pagtawag ko sakanya, he just said he'd wait for us so I said my "see you later". When I got off the phone, si mama was teasing me. Sabi ko "Ma, kinikilig ako!" sabi niyra rin "Alam ko!" and then I giggled. "Aheeem" sabi ni mama, I answered, "Hay Ma, hanggang crush lang naman to.." "Okay lang!" she said "Kahit mainlove ka pa!" that made me more kilig. On the way we met up at Chicken Inato, my mouth wanted to drop when I saw he was driving a white strada. I got kilig even more.

We got to the venue. Ayokong bumaba sa van noon kasi hiyang hiya ako, pero binuksan ni Aud yung door ko kaya bumaba na ako. It felt kind of awkward for me while I was looking around for familiar faces. In the car I remember praying (Lord, no complications please. let this be a good night) and until the parties ended, there were no complications. I don't know if he caught me, but i looked at him A LOT. I observed his action, listened to the things he said and for a while there I think my heart raced. I just couldn't take the smile of my face when I saw him smiling. Lahat na napansin ko, and narealize ko na gusto ko talaga siya. Buong gabi akong nakangiti na parang buang pero hindi ko talaga kasi maalis sa isipan ko yung mukha niya.

When the party was almost over I saw him and Martha by the tables trying to fix the folds of his polo. That was something I was definitely good at. I went up to them and just watched them as they tried. "Ikaw na lang kaya mag-ayos?" Marths said, then he looked at me with his smile (smiling while typing this) and reached his arm toward me. I looked at him and smiled back, then held on to his arm. I did the folds of his right arm perfectly. Nung sa kabila na medyo sumablay na, nung binobutton ko na mali na. "Ay hindi pwede to!" he said teasingly. I laughed nervously, "Teka." and fixed it. "Ang hirap kaya." he said. "lalo na pag ginawa mo magisa" i answered then smiled. Nung naayos ko na, hindi ko na mabutton kasi sobrang kinakabahan at kinikilig na ako then I kept shaking my head in frustration. Napansin niya ata na umiiling ako tapos nakita ko siya, he was mocking me. I bit my lip and tried one last time and finally the button was locked. Phew. "Thanks." Sure. Alam mo kung gusto mo araw araw ko pa itupi yung sleeves ng polo mo. kung pwede ko lang sabihin.

And so after the party, we went to scenario. at was somewhat a club, drinks and dancing as usual. He sat in our table a couple of times, he sat in front of me. Nung isang time, he went to the table and offered his drink. Ako yung una niyang inoffer! Oh my. Tapos yun wala lang ang babaw ko lang. haha! We then danced, and I swear it was so fun. We were all having fun! And I'm sure for a few seconds there we stared at each other, WHILE DANCING! oh my gosh. I could die right then and there. But i couldn't and I didn't want to, masyado pa akong masaya para mamatay nung mga oras na yun. After we danced, the live band welcomed us. He asked if we were celebrating anything so we said we were. The other vocalist invited her on stage and asked her to sing, but then asked for Rugie and I to take up her place. So we did, and on the spot we sang! ♥ that was soooo fun omg! I could hear them cheer, and I know he too was cheering even for a while :> Oh hosh! after that, went back to our tables and continued on. Nagpahingin kami sa labas ni Marths and Aud at nagkakwentuhan. ang sarap lang nung kwentuhan namin, sa likod ng pick-up niya. Ang dami lang napagkwentuhan :) When we wanted to go back in, lumabas na yung iba. Uwian na pala. Haha! blah blah forward forward, when we were about to leave he searched for me in the crowd and waved his goodbye :"> OH MY GOSH. HAAY HAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD. :))

This may be shallow, but small things make me happy. :))

Cause it is the season to be jolly ♥

Christmas came and went by so quickly. Okay, I know it's still Christmas Day today but it just doesn't feel like it anymore, It's as if it's just another ordinary day. But is it? After all the gifts and moolah we got for Christmas and all the food we've munched down and all the drinks we've all drank, we seem to forget the real reason of this celebration, the birth of our Savior, the reason of our redemption and salvation. Sometimes, we even complain that we didn't get anything for Christmas, but did we even stop to think and thank Him for all that He has given us through out the year? All I am saying is that this is indeed a season for celebration, for if this day did not come, we all wouldn't be here today. :')

To the birthday boy, my first love and my faithful lover,
Thank you for yet another good year. It has not been a smooth sail all the way but You have proven time and again how You are bigger than any roaring wave and rolling thunderstorm. Thank You that you give us a reason to celebrate not only Your life but our life as well. Thank You that though I am stubborn, Your love is more stubborn. :') Thank you Lord for another year added to my crazy life. I hope and pray for a better year this year. A year full of new beginnings, love, hope and a strong faith :) I love you God!

Your dear daughter, a spoiled brat indeed,
Kylie!

numb or apathetic.

I was listening to a song that seemed perfect to what I was feeling.. six months ago.. It was entitled crash and burn, "Give me one more chance before we crash & burn.." I thought that maybe our love deserved a second chance, that it was all still worth fighting for and those thoughts broke me to pieces, brought me to tears.. Funny how today, I just couldn't bring myself to that mood.. Maybe cause I am really just numb to the pain.. or maybe I just don't care anymore.. Or maybe, pushing the limits here, maybe I have moved on..

I pray against aftershocks.. Cause this right here, is the state where I want to be.:)

"So thank you for the broken heart,
And thank you for the permanent scar..
Cause if it wasn't for you
I might forget how it feels to let go
And how it feels to get a brand new start.."

Thank You For The Broken Heart by B Hadley

Capitalization was taught in elementary.

thud thud. thud thud.
her heart beat dully.
thud.
she heard it fall to the floor.
screech. screech.
she cried as she saw it in pieces a plenty.
notice the I's are not capitalized.
she forgot what "i" was worth.
she tried to pick up the pieces,
ran to the cabinet to pick up tape.
but she couldn't.
she sat there and stared.
plop. plop. plop.
her tears fell.
she fell.

A poem I edited for someone.

Original
When I first saw you out of out of the blue
You touch my heart I felt inlove with you
And I always wanted to do
Is just stare and think of you.
This ordinary man doesn’t know what to do
For when you smile there is a feeling I can’t deny
You are my dream, my everything
just like a rose so sweet and charming.
You remain a mystery to everybody
‘Coz you keep your self away from the misery
But your a girl that I cant ignore
Seeing you is like an oxygen that keep my heart pumping
I know you want to be alone
But for me it’s not my intention
And all I have to do is express to you
This crazy feeling i had for you..

My version
When I first saw you, out of the blue
You touched my heart and I fell in love with you
And all I wanted to do
Was to stare and think of you
I am ordinary and this feeling I cannot deny
For when you smile it's gravity I defy
You are but a dream, my everything
You are as a rose so sweet and charming
It remains a mystery to everybody
how you keep yourself away from misery
You are the girl I cannot seem to ignore
With you my life is far from a bore
You are like the oxygen that keeps my heart beating,
the blood that rushes pumping adrenaline.
I know you want to be alone,
But I know it from the core that it has grown,
the intensity of these feelings for you,
know that I am crazily in love with you.

I liked my version :">

Everyone has their chance to happiness..

Hysteric [Acoustic] by theloudgirl

The last time I got my heart broken and shattered into pieces, I prayed to God that the next time I'll love again, that the next time someone comes along, I hope it's really for keeps. It's really draining to give love away to someone who might not stay, so the next time I'd love again, cliche as it sounds, I hope that he's the one.

Which is why I think no one is still coming my way yet, because God listened to my prayer and He granted it at the same time. ♥ He's saving my heart from another heart break, Love you Lord :')

Anyways, when my right time comes along, when the right person walks my way, I know it's gonna be as perfect as I have prayed it to be. which is why as of now, I will wait. I am going to wait. :)

...you suddenly complete me...

"I'm not looking for the perfect time, just the right time.." ♥

And so today, I, Kuya, Andre, Thea and Hazel went together to the UST paskuhan. We had a mission that Hazel was unaware of, the mission to make Hazel say "yes" to Noe of course. It was so funny that we were panicking 'cause we really didn't have a plan. The first attempt was epic-ly failed and so we came up with a new plan.

We had a "group" picture and we slowly exited the frame until her and him are the only ones in the frame. When they were left there smiling to the cam, we put up the sign that said "Please say yes" while Noe did his thing.

We got really confused by Hazel's reaction, she was crying and we were not sure what tears they were. So we were, okay I and Thea were tensed. After a while of confusion and tension, Noe gave a thumbs-up and we were all squealing. No okay, maybe just I and Thea. Haha.

Tonight, my baby Hazel and my chummy Noe made a commitment under a star :')

December 17, 2010. ♥ A night of love and pure bliss. :')

It's that most wonderful time of the year!♥

December 15, 2010., Our barkada's Second Christmas Party! Hurrah!

It's been more than a year and a half of friendship tested and proven by time, space and courses. It's been more than a year and a half of friendship that truly persevered, a friendship that would definitely last.

It was fun and I loved every second of it. Needless to say more. ♥ This is true bliss, the incomparable and irreplaceable memories you make with the people who make you truly happy. :)

Happy Three Friends ♥

These are the feet that brought us to places today. These are the feet that silently clamored "rest!" when they we're tired. These are the feet that made the day possible. To these feet, Thank you :* ♥

Today, December 15, 2010, Noe planned a "Binondo" day. Originally, I, Hazel, Thea, Andre and Noe himself agreed to joined this long-awaited day, but only I, Hazel and Noe ended up pushing through.

At around half past ten, we met up at the school's cybernook. We actually couldn't find each other at first, had I not walked around to look for Noe, we wouldn't have found each other.

So we had a short argument of whether to ride the jeep or the lrt, and ended up riding the jeep. It was a long ride full of stupid impatient drivers honking their horns and us three shouting at each other trying to get our messages through.

When we reached the jeepney stop, we we're still a few steps away from our "epic destination". Passed streets like Tomas Pinpin and Yuchengco, and Ongpin, and Salazar. We Passed by this one hmmm, i don't know what to call it, and it really caught my eye. We had to go back, cause I had to take a picture.



We walked, and walked, and I tell you, you would think it's unending. We were supposed to go to (insert restaurant's name here, cause I forgot haha!) but then we found out it was too far so we we settled for a different one. I also forgot what it was named but yes. We enjoyed, Beef (Noe), Seafood(Hazel) and Chicken (Me), La miens (Noodle soup). I and hazel even had black gulaman to go with the chinese treat! Only to disappoint ourselves with, CANNED black gulaman. :)) It was really good! And plenty. And heavy -_- We ended up being too full in the end and couldn't even finish our dumplings anymore. haha! )





We talked about the most random things during lunch. We talked about Kesha and Palawan and other random unserious things. We even had a good time teasing myself to the Chinese chef pulling the noodles. haha! After we ate, we continued on the unending walk. We passed by an ice cream store-ish and bought ourselves Korean ice cream! Noe had the fish ice cream while I and Hazel had the ice cream sandwiches, cookies and cream and cheesacake flavored respectively. Even though we were already full, and could barely walk normal with our tummies poppin', we still ate the ice cream in enjoyment. I wasn't able to take a picture of the ice creams anymore, my camera was in grave danger the whole time. haha! but i got a picture of the signage.


We passed by Binondo Church and I wanted to go in, but we still had ice cream sandwiches to finish so we stayed outside to chunk it down first. While we were outside, we were trying to decide on where we we're going next ust and hidalgo were on the list. So we finally, okay, I FINALLY finished my ice cream, so we went in. I insisted on lighting a candle, so we bought three pieces, lighted them up and said our own prayers or maybe even wishes. I hope that my candle works cause I had two really pretty wishes.



After we went to Binondo church, we again walked. We walked to Hidalgo, and by then I and Hazel were already panting. We saw all sorts of things, cheap things, funny things, cool things, like those vintage cameras. There were vegetables everywhere, and havianas that looked genuine. What I and Hazel fussed about were the pretty looking roses that seemed cheap to me, she says it's cheaper in Dangwa, I don't really know. Haha.

We also went to Quiapo church where we rested and took a breather for a while. I wanted to try palm reading or "hula" but then Noe said it costs a hundred bucks, so i opted not to. By that time we decided that Quiapo church was the last stop to today's adventure. So after that, Noe brought Hazel and I to the LRT station already. So that was where we all parted ways.



i really enjoyed today's joyride, foodtrip, and marathon. It was a good start to the holidays. :)



Happy Three Friends. ♥, let's do this again! :D (with D1 and D2 next time!)

By the way, today's soundtrack? Here, it's Noikee's new Kesha song. Haha!

Kesha - We R Who We R [www.RNBxBeatz.com] by Vershelz

Today was a very interesting day.

I'd say I had a pretty good time today. A first in a long time. I was able to dance again, not just choreographed but freestyle as well. The people I wanted to see and be with were there. It was a good night. :)

I finally did the closures I've been wanting to do. One with someone from the past and one with someone who had unknowingly broke my heart. They were both good, only I enjoyed the 2nd one better cause it was a talk in person. I'm glad with the way he responded, to you, kuddos for the things you said. and of course, thank you. :)

One last to go and i bet the hardest one to do. This i feel the need to pursue but I don't know if we still can, I hope it still pushes through though.

Anyways, I meant this to be short and sweet. <3

till the next entry, I love you to the stars. <3

Obliviate.

nothing more. just that. obliviate.

Small acts of kindness give me great amount of hope.

Today, while eating the Siomai I bought from my favorite Siomai stand at a nearby mall, I overheard a mother talking to her children. She was asking which of the siomai variety her kids wanted and ordered each of her 3 kids a serving. When the mother left to pay, I heard the eldest boy (around 14 or 15 years old, im guessing) ask the youngest (7 or 8) if he was dizzy. The little boy mumbled a yes and leaned against the pillar. After a while, the eldest boy lifted his younger brother and carried him. He didn't mind the weight of his brother, thinking the kid wasn't too small anymore, and just carried him around.

That act of brotherly love gave me hope :)

A new "Addiction". ♥

A new show has caught my eye, Pretty Little Liars. ♥

I am so glad there's a new show that isn't about vampires or werewolves. I love how it's a suspense thriller teen tv show that's really out of the stereotypical teen tv series'. It still showcases those teen dramas and teen issues but it's not one of those sappy exaggerated kinds.

I'm loving this character Emily. I find her so pretty, I try to do some online research on her and find out she's half Filipina. She's my next Marissa ♥

Katharsis.

It's a few days short of the new year and I am definitely looking forward to new beginnings. This year has been a crazy-emotional roller coaster ride and I think I've had about enough for this year, it's about time to step out of the roller coaster.

Gad this year was, I can't even find the right words to use to describe it. Kathartic? Probably the nearest I can derive for what I am trying to capture.

This year had it's high and lows, I'd say it was almost an equal portion of each. The first six months was at it's peak and the remaining six was the regression of it all.

I will never forget the blissful days that ran through January till April. The fun-filled and adventurous days of summer and the anxiety of it ending will forever be a part of this year's memories. I will always remember the struggles and tears of my June through August and the painfully slow recovery from the worst heartbreak during the last four months of the year.

I will not dare say that I took this year well, for I really did not. I spent most of my time crying and wondering and wallowing and being pathetic. I cried in the dark, I cried in the shower, I cried over dinner, over the phone, over chips, over ice cream, over him. I cried wherever I wanted and whenever I wanted, it was just that bad. I still break down at times, I still cry sometimes, but I can at least say it's better now. It hurts a little less than it used to, though the memories are all still clear to me. Like I always say, I do not regret anything. If there is anything I am regretful of, it's the time I missed out on my life. But all is well.

My most favorite part of this year was my birthday celebration, it's definitely the highlight of the year. Everything was just absolutely blissful. Almost everyone that I had wished to be there was there to be a part of the memory. Everything had gone according to plan, if I could just turn back the hands of time it would be to that day, that very moment where in all I could feel was happiness.

I will also not forget the numerous opportunities that God has given me this year. I will always treasure the trust and confidence He had in me to have given me such great opportunities. Lord, thank You for the times You have chosen me to have led worship. Thank You Lord that you have allowed me to pass through your sifting though weary, victorious. Thank You Lord that You never gave up on me, though stubborn Your love was more stubborn. Lord Thank You, I will forever be honored and grateful.

So yes, this was a challenging year. I didn't know what to expect at the beginning nor did I know what to expect when it ends. But like a roller coaster ride, there were those moments that were fun, adrenalin filled, exciting and enjoyable, but there were also those moments that were nauseating, hurtful, and scary. There were times that I just wanted it all to end, I just wanted the ride to stop already because I couldn't handle it anymore. But like a roller coaster ride, after all the mixed emotions and after all the fear, in the end I was able to bear everything and get down with all the pieces of me still intact. Although my legs are wobbly after the ride, I can say that I overcame it with courage and strength.

I bid farewell to the once loved year 2010, as I prepare for the incoming 2011.

2011, please be kind.

I'm almost ready. ♥

It's about time to give happiness another chance. ♥

It's been months, and there's only a few more days left of this year..

I've agreed [with myself] that I am giving myself a deadline. Not really a deadline but a mark of an end and a possibly beautiful beginning. It's about time to stop being reminiscent of the past, it's senseless and unworthy. It's time to finally move forward, not just move on but move forward.

When I think of the things that I have gone through, everything this year, nothing but mixed emotions come to me. Anger, bitterness, hatred, pain, a pinch of happiness, mostly angst if you would notice. And I have come to realize that I have devoted so much of my time and energy into being hateful and angry, which by the way are very tiring to be. It's about time to let things go, things that I wouldn't be needing the next year. It's about to get rid of the excess baggage, because excess baggages are costly. I want to bring with me only what I can and what I should for my trip to 2011, nothing more nothing less.

I'm really looking forward to a better year next year. Exciting things are coming up and can't help but smile in my eagerness and excitement as I look forward to these things. Summer 2011, the school's centennial celebration, another birthday and well, graduation. I know graduation won't be until the year after next but 2011 will be my "senior" year and it's the start of the end of another chapter in my life.

I'm really not expecting a new love next year, though it would be really lovely if something sprouts. I don't want to rush and I just want to wait, but if it does come my way I'm willing to start something. I want to be courted at least.

But yes. 2011. I'm really looking forward to more fun-filled-lesson-bearing experiences. 2011, don't let me down.

Sincerely, Me.