First week in Law School

So here's to everyone who wonder what it's like to be in law school. From a fresh graduate-from-her-undergraduate-degree-and-has-experienced-one-week-of-law-school's perspective.

It is everything you see and hear from everyone who has already experienced going through law school.

I'll be frank, it is really draining. It drains you in every aspect possible.

It drains you physically, given the fact that you are not privileged to get as much sleep as you would want to. You're required to read so many stacks of paper everyday and being lax would get you nowhere. If you're a slow reader, you have to pick up the pace while making sure you still understand what you are reading. If you're not a reader, I suggest you practice reading. Try reading and finishing one of Nicholas Sparks' books in one sitting with very little breaks. His books are on average the same length of readings you'd have to accomplish for a subject for a day.

It drains you mentally. You have to not just understand the things you read but you have to analyze them and apply them to your lessons. You have to understand words and terms and phrases that weren't taught to you. You have to be assertive because nothing is directly handed out to you. You are on your own.

It drains you emotionally. If you don't desire law school as much as you should, you would definitely be disheartened. If you don't have enough willingness and if you do not find motivation, it will affect you. And it gets lonely sometimes. And ll the weariness sometimes just gets to you. And your weariness drains up your emotions as well. And you find yourself unmotivated and sad at times. I you're not a fighter, you definitely won't last.

It drains out the life out of you. It does. You don't get to do the things you usually do. And you don't get to rest as much as you want to. You should just get enough rest to keep you going for the day. You should be determined that you'd stay alive because you'd die a natural death if you don't.

But at the same time, it is truly a great learning experience. You get to learn about things you only dreamt of knowing before. You learn about your rights as a person and a citizen of your country. You get to learn about different violations towards a person. You get to learn more about your roots through your county's past. You get a sense of self identity in the things that you are learning, and that in itself is worth all the struggles and weariness. You get a grasp of what your leaders are saying and what lawyers say at court. And it gives you pride to know that you actually understand the law drama series you're watching. It's awesome, really.

I know I have yet to experience what law school is really like as I have only touched on the subjective part of the journey but so far this is it.

To those of you who aspire to pursue further studies in law, I support you a I believe with you that you're making the right choice. Law is not for everyone but it is certainly for the ones who truly want it. :)

Life is actually pretty amazing

Sitting on my swivel chair, with my feet raised on another chair, with a light over my head and an itouch I am now using as both a dictionary and a music source, made me appreciate the amazingness of life.

One too many times, I've complained about how life seems so unfair and complicated.. And how I feel like I am not getting what I deserve.. But today, a moment of little epiphany came to me that no matter how bad I think my life is, someone will always have it worse. I do not think this to console myself but to actually remind myself that there are so many things we should be thankful for.. But most often than not, we overlook and take advantage of these things.. And little do we realize that almost half of the children of the world don't even have slippers to keep their feet comfortable and away from the scorching heat of the pavement or the infectious bacteria of the ground.. Almost half of the children of the world don't even get to eat even one balanced meal a day.. Somewhere, in some other part of the world, a person your age isn't studying but is working to be able to feed their siblings and parents and the stray dog they adopted the other day.. Somewhere, children are dying because they do not have access to health care or they don't have a sturdy roof over their heads to keep them safe and warm..

While you, sit on your cozy couch and whine in your most appalled voice how the world is so unfair.. And how your parents are depriving you of your ever so luxuries whims.. While you prefer not to eat your veggies and choose the bad stuff instead.. Seriously, life is unfair to you?

Okay, maybe life is unfair.. But if it's any consolation, my dear, it is unfair to all.. So it makes it quite fair actually.. :)

I know it's hard but in time when you feel like life is unfair, just look around you and re evaluate the life you are living and appreciate that life is actually pretty amazing.. That you can wake up to skies that are perfectly painted.. That you get to kiss your parents goodnight.. That you can actually go to school and learn things others can only dream of..

The next time it feels like life is unfair, look at your toes and thank God they're still complete :) look up and be thankful that your house still has a roof..

Life is beautiful you see.. And so are you and the experiences it will throw you.. All the more the lessons.. If you allow it to.. :)

Common, cheer up and give life a smile :)

It is worthwhile,
Starfire

Just some thoughts

I decided to tune in to Boys Night Out today while I drove home after a long day in school. I thought it would be the closest thing I would have to human interaction while in the car, while in traffic. To those of you who do not know, Boys Night Out is a radio show in Manila which is on every night. It starts at 6:00pm, if I'm not mistaken and lasts for about 3 hours. Anyway.. So they were entertaining callers when tuned in and the poll question was "Would you invite your ex to your wedding? An ex who you're in good terms with.". It was rather entertaining to hear callers talk about exes who were wedding crashers or callers who'd say they wouldn't invite their exes anymore to prevent causing scenes and drama.

Slick or Tony, one of the Radio Jocks that night pointed out that most of the callers were women. And one of them said that it was because this was more thought of by women because this is their "big day". I wonder if men are excited about getting married too.. Maybe they are but not in the same way as women are.. So if any guy is reading this tonight, would you kindly answer my question? "Are men excited or at least thinking of their wedding day?"

I think my answer to the poll would be, it depends..

There would be exes who you'd invite because you're in good terms.. and there would be exes that would be too hard to see during your wedding day, even if you're in good terms..

I guess it's true that one of your considerations as to whether you should invite your ex should be your partner's feelings or thoughts about it.. If it's fine, then go on.. If he isn't comfortable, then you should respect your partner's decision.. It is after all yours AND his/her day.. You should also consider what your immediate family thinks and feels about it.. Just to refrain from "drama" and unwanted wedding scenes..

Personally, I may invite some of my exes.. Except one.. The one who got my heart first broken.. It's not that I haven't moved on from the relationship or I still have feelings for the guy.. It's just that, once upon a time, I made plans with this person.. And I thought that it would be him beside me on the altar on that faithful day.. I guess I will always remember that I did once share such a personal part of me with him.. And seeing him in the crowd on the day of my wedding would just be so weird.. maybe even uncomfortable..

So yes, I am not not inviting him for anyone else but myself.. Not to prevent causing a scene or to prevent conflict with my fiance but for my own peace of mind.. On my day.. On my and my husband to be's day.. :)

So,

Would you invite an ex that you're in good terms with on your wedding day? :)

Love,
Starfire

Self proclaimed manic depressed

I honestly feel really emotional today, so if any of you are following me on twitter, please excuse my excessive tweets on random emotional and sentimental thoughts. It;s weird cause today, I cried for about 10 minutes. I cried and cried but I wasn't really sure why I was. I cried as if I was crying about something concrete, when, by the time I stopped, I was confused why I was crying in the first place. But then again, maybe I was upset about many things I am both aware and unaware of. Until today, I still am very upset about how some things in my life are. In stolen moments, I would hope they aren't the way they are now. But what's the point? Even if I think about all of these things and hope they turn around, they won't. So again, I have to pick myself up and move on. Things don't always go as you think they would, but you got and have to get a move on.

I miss you. Like how I miss home. Like I always say.  This afternoon, I wanted to call someone and talk and just rant about how my day was going so bad. I wanted to dial your number but I didn't have it, well, not anymore. So, calling you would have been an impossible crime. I wanted to hear your voice. Yours. But I couldn't. I won't.

I guess from here, I just gotta get a move on.

The Horrors of the First day of college, the second time around

Gosh this day was super unexpected. I was sooo looking forward to it apparently, the more you look forward to something, the more you expect and the more humorous fate tries and turns thing around.

I left early for my 2:40 class expecting that there would be traffic congestion. Well, there wasn't traffic congestion, thank God. But looking for a parking space was horror! It took me almost an hour of driving around, I almost thought I wouldn't find a parking anymore. When I finally have, I realized that I wasn't able to bring my e.a.f.. I walked to the Velasco gate only to find out I had to walk all the way to South Gate.. When I got to the south gate, it was so great that Manong Guard was nice enough to let me enter..

When I got to the registrar's office, they wouldn't release my I.D. to me. So I had to reprint my EAF. Good thing there weren't much people both in the accounting and where I had my e.a.f. reprinted.. Once I got it reprinted and finally collected my I.D., I visit the already missed office.. I felt sad that I only saw 1 person there.. And it made me miss people..

When I walked to Andrew.. I was told that we had a 140 paged reading due that afternoon.. In my panic, I walked briskly and walked around frantically panicking.. (I know, redundant). And found myself all sweaty when I came to class.. It was a good thing that the Professor was lovely..

I hope there aren't anymore of these days.. Hay.

Dear Future Boyfriend

Here's some things I'd like you to know about me, while with you. I thought (like the Miranda Rights), you have the right to know what you are getting yourself into, way before hand. So you cannot use anything against me, if and when (hopefully not) you come up with reasons to call it quits.

* I will be trusting you more than anyone. More than I do my own parents, or best friend(s).

This means I will tell you everything. You will be my personal diary, with the hope that like a diary, you keep all my secrets too. I will tell you the pettiest and shallowest things but I will tell you deep and serious things too. In the same way, I'd love to be that person to you too. I'd love to hear your rants and frustrations and your appreciation for life and things. I'd love to hear how your day went. But if you don't want to talk, we can do that too.

This means I will be most myself with you. Which means, I will not pretend or hide or contain or deny or suppress any of my emotions and feelings from you or towards you. On "those days" expect that I'd be nice to everyone else except you, only because I'd hope you'd understand and be patient enough. You'd give the understanding and patience other people won't give just because I am not their girlfriend. But don't think I'd always be mean to you on those days. It just so happens, you're the one I trust and well you're the one i'm most comfortable with.

This means I will trust you enough to be loyal and faithful. I will not check your messages, I will not constantly ask you where you are or who you're with. I will not bug you in the middle of the night and ask who that girl was who posted on your facebook wall. As long as you introduce them to me. Or you tell me where you're going, who you'll be with and what time should I start worrying about you before you go. Although you are tied to me, it doesn't mean I will be depriving you of your time for yourself and your time to bond with your friends. I just want to know.

* I believe that talking resolves things.

This means I like to talk. about everything that may and would affect our relationship. I want to be able to talk with you about our problems and not let the night pass without making up. I want to talk about how you feel and what makes you angry or happy. I want to talk because talking is one of the ways I get to know what's on your mind and that's important to me.

This means I won't let you go without an explanation. You will not defend yourself or justify your action, you will merely explain yourself. Why you did it and what you plan to do about it after.

* I like sharing. But I don't like to share you.

This means you're allowed to have as many women friends as you want so long as they know it's merely friendship and that you know it as well. When I catch you cheating on me, only God knows what I can and will do. That is not a threat.


 * I believe in honesty.

If you want out, if you fell out of love (which I don't think is really a reason), if you have fallen in love with someone else, if you're unhappy, if you hate me, tell me. I'd rather you be honest. If it's hurtful, so be it.I don't want to prolong your agony, more so mine.


* I will give you time and I expect you to give me time too.

I will not ask you of so much but do know that quality time is my language of love and I'd like to get to spend time with the person I love most, a lot, if not a whole lot. I'd like to do the things you want to do and bring you to places I want you to see. You know that couple kind of thing.

* I love you. I always have and always will. No matter how we end up. That's a fact.

:)

Starfire

Because happiness like anything else, is a choice.

Today, I have finally decided to quit torturing myself with memories of you. I finally had the strength to delete your messages from my phone and your number to go with it.. I finally had the right mind to decide on giving up on you because some battles are not meant to be fought.. Today, I raise the white flag.. I'm done pretending, expecting, hoping and loving.. Because everything is a choice.. and today I choose to let all of these go..

I will try to forget our memories, or may I say, my memories with you in it.. I will make that conscious effort to let you go, everyday.. Until I finally, genuinely have..

Because I want to be happy.. and that's what I want you to be too..

And maybe, in another time, when we meet again, I can finally say we can be friends..

I wish you all the best, my dear.. All the best..

Agape..

Maybe in another universe, I deserve you

reposted from: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/maybe-in-another-universe-i-deserve-you/Written by: Gabby Dunn, 5/14/2012

What if, in another universe, I deserve you?


Hear me out. There’s this philosopher from the 1890s named William James, and he coined this theory about “the multiverse” which suggests that a hypothetical set of multiple universes comprises everything that can possibly exist simultaneously.


Are you following? The entirety of space, time, matter and energy is all happening at once in different timelines: It’s the idea of parallel universes. Right? So okay, let’s presume the multiverse is real.

Well then, maybe somewhere in those infinite universes is one, or several, where I deserve you.

Maybe there’s a universe out there — happening now — where we end up together and when I close my eyes at night, I’m not dreaming the way a normal person would. Instead I’m seeing flashes of our lives in the multiverse. They’re not simple dreams because I miss you, right? They’re scientific, anachronistic visions.


For instance:


In this universe, I don’t want a family, but maybe in another, I’m more of the type to settle down. Maybe there’s a universe where you hold my hand while I give birth to our daughter in a white hospital room with pink flowers and fuzzy teddy bears on the window sill. Where we take family vacations and pose for dorky pictures in our neon bathing suits on the sands of a Florida beach. Where we curl up to watch a cheesy movie at the end of a long day in our big, green, suburban house once the kids have fallen asleep.

Maybe there’s a universe where we are middle-aged and taking our child to college and bickering over where to put her dresser or what posters she should hang up. Where you kiss her on the forehead ‘goodbye’ and we drive home in contented, proud silence, your fingers grazing my knuckles, our wedding rings glistening. Where we both have gray hair and we laugh and smile and hug and drink lemonade on the porch.


Maybe there’s a universe where that’s the life I want. Where I don’t second guess everything and I’m not afraid of commitment and of the future and of love. Maybe there’s a universe without all the noise in my head and the pride that makes me so fiercely independent and the coldness in my heart that I can turn on and off like a security fence.


Maybe there’s a universe where I’m the right person for you. Where I adore every nice thing you did for me without starting to resent you. A universe where you actually end up with someone who appreciates you. Where no one becomes a doormat. Where both of us can shed our baggage and curiosity and issues. A universe where we’re happy — without wondering if that happiness is some messed-up Jenga game ready to topple at the slightest quiver. A universe where we’re comfortable and sure, and we have cats.


Maybe there’s a universe where we fall asleep next to each other every night like spoons, like two innocent bunnies — my face buried in your neck, hugging your warmth — and we both don’t want anything or anybody else. Where we don’t want more, we just want each other.


Maybe there’s a universe where I don’t covet so much all the time and where I’m content and where I don’t wonder about picking up and moving to Japan without saying anything to anyone and where at this very juncture, I can just know I’ll always want to come home and cook dinner with you.


If you think of it all this way, then it’s like neither of us did anything wrong.

You just found me in the wrong universe. That’s all. This is, as they say, the darkest timeline. Everywhere else, nay, “everywhen” else — us in the Civil War, us in Ancient Egypt, us in the swinging ’60s — we are happy.


If this theory holds, well, by the law of averages, there had to be oneuniverse — just this one — where we don’t end up together. Here and now just happens to be it. If you think of it this way, nothing is our fault.

So see, that explains everything. We’re not together anymore because of the multiverse.


Well, isn’t that comforting?


If you’re sad, do like I do and just think of the other ‘verses. The ones where I believe in love and where I don’t hate myself and where I never feel the need to kamikaze relationships. A universe where we can have nice things. It’s helpful, right?


Because you could have loved me forever. And maybe in another universe, I let you. 

Hope in the Aftermath

"What we do does not define us. What define us is how well we rise after falling."

I love this quote from the movie Maid in Manhattan and I couldn't agree more to it. I don't think anyone should be defined by their past, or by their mistakes or by the decisions they make for that matter. I'd like to believe that these people do things because of something; a reason, a purpose, a desperate moment and the actions they make are what they hope are the best ones if not the right ones. And if they made the wrong choice, at least by then they would know what the right one is. With every challenge is a life lesson waiting to be learned. With every mistake is a right decision waiting to be made. And all of these, contribute to who one will become in the future; hopefully wiser, stronger and better people. 

No one should look down on anyone, especially not on themselves. Even the Lord knows we aren't perfect. Cut yourself some slack, life is hard and no one is given a manual to life and love. You're supposed to make mistakes because these mistakes would teach you, humble you and make you learn how to appreciate what you have and what you don't. Mistakes are acceptable, as long as you don't make the same mistakes twice. It is also important not to live in the past and not to linger in the pain these mistakes have caused you. You should be able to learn from these mistakes, pick yourself up and move on. There's a reason we all walk forward and not backwards. 

No one is too far gone, we can all leave the past behind, no matter how dirty or shameful it is. But leaving the past behind doesn't mean forgetting it, you should always remember how it was like and always keep in mind that it's not the life you should be living anymore. Never ever forget the reason why you already left it but do not relive it anymore. There is a difference.

Look back but don't walk back. Remember but don't forget to not regret. And remember, your past does not define who you are and who you can be. Your character is made up of every part of your life, you should be ashamed of nothing. 

There is always a second chance for those who want to be better. There is always a second chance for those who want to learn. But do not push it, even God's grace should not be taken advantage of. Even if we are expected to make mistakes, stupid mistakes are not excused. 

And at the end of this life, I hope that all of us did what we all wanted to do, took all the chances given to us, took risks at life and love, said all the things we wanted say, because at the end of the day I am more than sure that we would regret more the things we did not do than those we actually we did.

--

Continue to inspire and be inspired. Look for love. Fall in love, not only with people, but places, nature, beauty, food, activities, moments and be happy. Be fulfilled. Be content.

Do not just be alive but live. Do not fear anything but fear itself. And do not let anything, not even yourself, keep you from reaching your dreams and becoming who you want to be for we only live once, we should at least make it meaningful.

Agape,

Starfire.

Indiciveness

Deciding on whether I should delete your messages and your number.. and your tracks.. and your trails.. and anything and everything that reminds me of you.. Or if I should keep them around, for wallowing and sobbing purposes..

I really want you out of my life.. I don't know what's keeping me from erasing you from my memory.. If I'm really just a masochist like that, inflicting more pain to myself as if the one's you've caused aren't already enough.. But seriously though, what is the deal with that?

As much as I want to save the friendship, or at least what's left of it, I don't want to be the only one fighting for it.. It takes two to tango, right? It saddens me but this time, I think I want out.. And if you've already decided on your silent exit, here I am making mine too.. Silent at least with you..

I hope you won't think that I'm being irrational or immature.. This is my only way to keep things more bearable.. Because seeing you and talking to you makes it harder to let go, all the more move on..

But tell me if you know how I am to live for the succeeding weeks pretending like nothing happened when something really did? Something that left a whole in my heart?

Lalala..

So here's to you and your overly complicated life.. strings.. attachments.. hang-ups and baggage..

I really hope you have a good life..

Goodbye..

Sincerely,
Starfire

In brutal frankness and in all honesty

DISCLAIMER: This post is written in frustration, anger, disappointment, pain and all possible synonymous and parallel emotions you can probably think of. But as much as this post would be subjective and biased towards the "subject" of this blog, I will be in my most honest mode and will write and try to be as objective as I can. (I will not promise anything but honesty and brutal frankness).

Maybe I over expected, maybe I was overly excited about this summer that well, I found myself indisappointment. Actually, I enjoyed the first parts of my summer vacation. It gave me peace and happiness. I was rejoicing in the Lord for the many good news I've received but I guess with every good there is a hidden bad, not really bad, but a distraction to un-notice the good.

Until today, I am still very much thankful for having passed both my undergrad and law school. I still cannot fully embrace the fact that I've made it but it is slowly sinking in. I'm so proud of myself for making it. But I'm a tad disappointed only because I didn't believe in myself enough that I would make it, not as much He believed in me. Had I believed in myself, had I put enough faith in myself, maybe I would've done greater things. He knew I could do it, He knew that I could manage, I wish I knew too. Had I known, maybe I would've done better. But what the heck. CHEERS TO MAKING IT!!! You did well! I am proud of you, Kelsey, I am.

But during stolen moments and quiet minutes, I cry and it's not the good kind of crying. I'm honestly really hurt. I feel like, growing up, I've done nothing but disappoint my parents. I've always tried to please them, joined every contest, earned all possible awards, but it was never enough, I was never enough. Sometimes, when they make me feel like crap, I think of the things I've done and I don't think I'm that bad. Of course I've made one too many mistakes but I have not killed anyone, I do not do drugs, I am not a drunkard, I don't fail my subjects, as a matter of fact, I am graduating on time and never did I rebel. But sometimes I feel like I'm such as bad daughter because I always disappoint them.

Actually. I'm getting tired of disappointing them. I'm growing tired of looking for things to do right for them to overlook the wrongs but to date, I have not found any. The wrong still overpowers the right, no matter what I do. And it kills me knowing that I strive because of them and for them. I wanna make them proud, I hope I do, because as of now, I think I am failing at it, still failing at it.

I never understood how my dad's mind worked. I think I know him but I don't think I know enough. I don't know what makes him happy and I don't know what makes him proud because I haven't really heard the words "I'm proud of you".. I always feel so stupid around him and I always feel like he's always waiting for something to go wrong to blame it on me.. I know I may be exaggerating but it really feels like the case..

When I enter law school, I promise to forget about mediocrity. I promise to always put my best foot forward. And I will do this not for anyone else but myself and my God. I'm quitting the please-your-parents game and I'm joining the doing-things-for-your-own-fulfillment wagon.. So the next time I fail I know I'll be failing myself above anyone else.. I'll do things because I know I can and not because I know someone's expecting.. I'll do things out of compassion and passion and not to impress anyone...

I'm done being the people pleaser.. I'm now standing up for myself..