On most days, I don't mind being single

I went to a friend's party and I never felt more single than I felt that night. I went with a friend and her almost boyfriend and chilled with another friend which you guessed right, brought her boyfriend as well. I don't usually mind being single but last night, it definitely got on my nerves.

I don't know what it is about publicly displaying your affection which make couples think it's okay. I mean, I don't mind seeing them hold hands or sit beside each other or give each other occasional hugs.. But is it really necessary to kiss every 15 seconds? Is it really necessary to grope each other in front of other people? Dude, you're in a public place with friends.. If you wanted to do that, you should've stayed home, in your room.. Or in your car.. Or wherever quasi-private.. When you are at your friend's house, don't kiss and fool around as if you were at your own.. Again, if you wanted to do that, you should have stayed at home.. Have some courtesy..

Another thing, I hate it when couples are insensitive.. They act all sweet and flirty around their single friends who already feel bad enough that they're alone.. Why? Why can't you hold your hormones down for a couple of hours? Why can't you just save the puckering for later when no one else is around to feel awkward? I get that you're physically attracted to each other and all that but why do you have to show the whole world? Is nothing private anymore? Is the concept of "private" on the verge of extinction? It's almost the same thing as posting your home made videos on Facebook.. Ladies, have some respect for yourself if not for your partner.. And men, respect your ladies enough to keep your private things PRIVATE..

For the record, I HAVE had "boyfriends". I have experienced what it's like to have this desire to kiss your partner, a desire that's never extinguished.. But if I remember correctly, I have kept the public acts of affection very minimal.. Even if we were with friends to whom we were really comfortable with, I don't think we did more than peck.. I respected myself, my partner and my friends enough to not place anyone in a awkward and uncomfortable position..

Where does being single come into the picture? Well, i hate having to bear no other company than these kinds of friends.. I hate feeling so uncomfortable and awkward and icky at the sight of tongues and hand actions, alone..

After how I felt last night.. I vow that I will never go (exaggeratedly) PDA around friends.. and anyone who's reading this can strike me when I do.. If any of you see me being all flirty and physical with my partner and that makes you feel uncomfortable, I give you the permission to condemn me and call me a hypocrite.. Please, throw a stone at me..

I say these things because I know that it's possible to not publicly show affection for your partner especially in the company of your friends.. As much as I have PDA-loving couple friends, I also have those couple friends who act proper.. You know they're together and they're sweet but they act pretty decent..

So much angst in this post..

Anyway, I'm sure that you all get my point and I hope that you don't take it offensively.. These are MY sentiments.. If you have thoughts go ahead and comment.. If you want to justify your acts, go ahead, I will still respect you when you do.. But I pray that you respect my opinions too..

Sincerely,
Kyle

Everyone has a [significant] role to play

The incumbent president delivered his third State of the Nation Address today and as expected, it garnered all kinds of negative and positive reactions.

The first thing I want to say is this...

Give the guy a chance.

Before he could even prove himself worthy of the votes of the Filipino people, you closed your minds and put on this mindset that he is no good. Before he could even do something, you already thought that he is going to fail. Then how could he ever not fail you when from the start, you never even gave him a chance?

After his SONA today, local tv stations interviewed different people who had different things to say. If I may say it without any attempt to sugar coat, I am disappointed and disgraced with the manners of SOME Filipinos. I may not know what it's really like out there but believe me when I say that I have been exposed to the realities in this country. I know how hard it is to be in a third world country and I know that here, one has to fight his way to survive. In the Philippines, everyday is hunger games.

But as much as I empathize with the masses, I cannot tolerate this kind of behavior. You CAN'T keep resorting to rallying and eventually, violence to be heard. You can't keep blaming the government for your employment problems. You can't keep bashing the President when you think the economy is dying. The President is not God and if its not obvious still, 2 years is not enough to repair and rebuild this nation especially from the mistakes the previous administrations have caused.

We have to unlearn this habit of rallying in the streets while burning images of whoever we are rallying against. This is not how things should be done. Whoever placed this mindset should take responsibility for everyone who has been hurt during these unfortunate events. The administration, I would like to believe, is not deaf. I think we can come up with better ways to make ourselves heard. If you feel like you really need to let out your thoughts, on the government, on the way they're governing, on the problems of your community, organize a forum. Invite your leaders, represent those who have the same sentiments as you and take part of the problem solving.. Since you are the one who experiences these problems first hand anyway.. Don't just be reactive, be pro active. If you want change, if you want to get things done, get off that couch and be a part of it. I'm not saying that you run for office or whatever, but be part of the actions taken. Participate in whatever program or projects your LGUs have created. Educate yourself and be a responsible citizen. We should cease blindly protesting. We should empower ourselves by truly knowing.

Also.. Every year, the government has tried to increase employment opportunities. They have created projects and programs for enhancement of skills. They have tried to partner with the private sector just so that they would be able to create more jobs. Here's what you should do. APPLY. Do you expect for the job opportunity to come knocking on your door? It doesn't work that way. We are already spoon fed enough by the government. We should do our parts too. Not everything is the responsibility of the state, mind you.

I think one problem with some Filipinos is they are never satisfied. The president is never good enough. The government is not working hard enough. Laws are not beneficial enough. Rights are not protected enough. What do you want? When will there ever be anyone who would finally be good enough?

Here's the thing. We have already established that our government still has a lot to improve on regarding its performance.. But if we're so unsatisfied then maybe we should just stop depending on it and just do what we can to enhance our situations.. If we're so let down by our leaders then maybe we should start stepping up.. If we think we can do something then we should.. I think this would be more productive than just complaining and whining and always trying to find fault in everything..

Some officials are doing their best.. It's time that the rest of us should too.. Besides, we above anyone else on earth is the captain of our own ships.. We are the best qualified persons to maneuver it.. We should start doing so..






This is just me.. Comment if you must..

Ky.

dates are [not] just numbers.

11.12.11 "I have a question, what time's lunch?"
11.17.11 "You have to promise not to laugh."
11.30.11  "Do you still see the stars?"
12.02.11  "Don't you like that?"
12.17.11  "Wanna know something?"
02.11.12  "What's the worst that could happen?"
02.18.12  "Eventually"
02.23.12  "It's gonna be awesome."
03.04.12  "I barely have time."
03.07.12  "Haha, nagalit."
03.28.12  "I miss you!"
04.19.12  "Why are we playing this game?"

My feelings on waiting

One of the hardest questions to answer is that in a resume or application form that says "What is/are your weakness/es?" When you're trying to impress your future employers/bosses it's kind of hard to say "Well, I'm actually really bad with stress!" or "I'm really messy with my things!" or "I'm actually lazy 98% of the time!" Is it contradictory to say that I'm patient but I'm bad with waiting? Cause if there's a significant weakness I possess, it's that.

I'm patient with people.. I don't mind if I have to teach a lesson to a kid one too many times, because I can handle that.. I don't mind bearing with childish friends or those who don't have breaks installed on their tongues.. I don't mind senseless talks and absurd arguments.. I don't mind listening to my friends rant their lives away.. Because really, if there's one thing I can unconditionally share, it's my patience..

But the one thing that really gets on my nerves is waiting.. Make me do something else, make me do everything else, anything else, but wait. I cannot wait.. Actually I can, but I'm bad at it.. After the first ten minutes please expect that I'm on my way to cranky-dom. If you say you'll meet me at 3, expect that By 2:50 I'm there and if you come at 3:10 oh dear, expect that I'll have 10 minutes of moodiness too.. I'm usually on time, on schedule, on point, and when you tell me that you're arriving at this time, you should because I take your word for it.. When you tell me we're meeting up at this time, we should.. If we plan to meet at 8, if by 6 you think you won't make it, TELL ME. Don't wait until 7:45 to tell me that you're not coming because I most probably made plans and the necessary arrangements for our meet up. Tell me ASAP that you can't make it or won't show up because no one deserves to get stood up.. If you tell me to "Wait", oh I will wait.. And I will wait until I can't wait anymore.. And if by that waiting, nothing happens.. Please know that I will be very very upset..

What is it about waiting you ask that I hate so much? It's that feeling of uncertainty that surrounds you..

I hate how I feel unsure of whether or not, people still mean what they say. or if they mean to mean what they say.. I hate the feeling of being alone in a sea of people while waiting for that one person who would hopefully make you feel like you're not alone.. I hate the feeling of having to pretend like someone's coming when they're not.. I hate having to cancel plans.. I hate cancelled plans because most probably, I don't have a back up plan and I will end up feeling miserable and screwed after that..

I guess it's Human Nature

Have you experienced those times that you just need a pair of arms around you? Not in any way romantic, more of for comfort actually. You know what it's like when you feel really alone and a hug is all you need to make things feel better, if at all? One of the lessons I've learned lately is to never ever underestimate the power of a hug. Sure it's a simple gesture, but it's effects, especially to those who are in need of it, are far beyond simple. When you were a baby, the only thing that would make you feel safe in this seemingly massive universe, would be the loving arms of your dad. Or mom. Or grandad. And when you got a little older, it was that of your friends. And when you grow a tad bit older, it may be that of your partner. Or maybe that one friend that knows you a little too well.

I guess it's human nature.. To long for someone to hold when you feel like the world is caving in.. When you feel like no words can make things feel even slightly better.. When your thoughts of uncertainty are drowning you.. When you just need to feel someone warn and alive and with a heart..

I guess I just really need a hug.. Which I guess is obvious too..

When you see a friend, don't forget to offer a hug.. You don't know what it can actually bring.. Because sometimes, words are not needed..

Goodnight and Goodmorning.. :)

Why it's a bad idea to love someone who can't love you back

Please note the choice of negation in the above written title.

I did not use "doesn't" because I believe that feelings change. He doesn't love you but he may realize that he does. In this case, there is no impediment to love you. He just doesn't... Yet.

I did not use "won't" because I think won't implies that he chooses not to. He won't love you because he thinks you're too complicated or he feels strongly that you are only a friend.. In this case, there is nothing else to do but move on.. Just move on..

I use/d can't because I interpret it in two ways.. He can't love you because of an outside factor.. He obviously chose his career before you.. His family is depending on him.. He's too busy with work.. His parents disapprove and well you're screwed because his parents' opinions matters to him so much.. You get it.. Second, he can't love you because of an internal factor.. He's gay.. Or he's in love with someone else.. Or he's too scared to stand up for you.. Or he's in a relationship.. Or he's married..

Ladies, even if he does love you.. Gentlemen, even if she does you.. For the above stated can't reason, they just can't.. Especially the last reason.

It's a bad idea to love someone who can't love you back because you will just end up inflicting unnecessary pain upon yourself.. You will try to bear with little to no attention at all.. You will daydream about the very slim chances of you being together.. You will try to rationalize things even if there is nothing to rationalize.. You will try to talk yourself into believing that one day they will break up and when they do, they'll realize that they're madly in love with you..

I'm sorry to burst your bubble but.. It doesn't mean that when they break up, it's you he'd fall for next.. Sure you're friends and sure you had those moments that to you were seemingly romantic.. But there are no assurances..

I know you don't choose who you fall for.. But you can choose who to not fall for.. If you know there's a possibility that you'd like that person who can't love you, don't hang out too much.. Don't talk too much.. Don't think about the possibility of a you two as a couple too much.. Don't allow yourself to be in a vulnerable position.. You're smarter than that..

When you feel like entertaining the thought of courting or being courted already, surround yourself with people who don't have extra baggage.. Hang out with those who are single.. Who your gender is their preference.. Who are willing to remain faithful.. Who are willing to commit to you and only you..

You know you deserve to be loved back.. You know you deserve to be loved.. And one day, with right choices, someone who does, can and will, will love you :)

Ky

"What You Can Do Instead Of Loving Someone You Can’t Be With"

A repost: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/what-you-can-do-instead-of-loving-someone-you-cant-be-with/

by:  STEPHANIE GEORGOPULOS

Instead of loving someone you can’t be with, fictionalize them. Reimagine your encounters as dreams: the kind you wake up from, shake off, disregard; not the kind you journal, analyze, relay relentlessly to bored friends. Treat them like the subject of a poem that tickles you in the chest cavity but only very slightly, a poem you copy paste publish on the internet and forget about soon as you read something else worthwhile, something that moves you to repeat the process like you’ve never read poetry before. Think of them the way you remember characters from books you haven’t read in a while; fondly but vaguely and all smudged ’round the edges.

You can fill your days with hobbies, god knows unrequited love swallows free time like it’s air. Why not begin running, learn to get away, and fast. Or you could read a few novels, is there a more efficient way to stack your life with characters who will eventually leave? Because that seems to be the type that attracts you, the ones you know will end before they begin. You can knit, keep your fingers busy and away from the phone and away from that soft patch of skin you like to hold when you’re alone, to remember. You can finally learn to swim, because it’s summertime and there’s nothing else to do and you’re so good at holding your breath, anyway.

Remind yourself that you are other things besides in love and hopeless and sort of sad in the saddest way possible like, you are also a friend or a son daughter or an employee student and also a thinker, a doer, a person who lives and has lived before this sad, sad mess came to pass. Think about when you were a five-year-old on a beach somewhere collecting shells and digging moats and chasing strangers through the sand because you were about the same height and had the same castle-building interests and wore almost-matching swimsuits. Remember when you were a 10-year-old who wore smiling faces on t-shirts and backpacks and scrunchies and when you were a 13-year-old who was ashamed for having done so. Remember when you were 17 and began to form a soft casing around your stomach that spoke to your affinity for beer, remember when you turned 21 and spent the night spinning and drinking and kissing the best friends you’ll ever have. Remember whatever age you were the first time you had your heart broken and how the pain felt endless until it ended and then it was like you’d imagined it all, a fever dream of a romance. Uncountable things to define who you are, and the only one you toil over is the one you’re not permitted to have you silly, silly…

Go be silly with someone else and maybe you won’t love them, but maybe you will. Maybe you’ll see-saw between having everything and nothing to say to one another until you’re wearing each other’s weight and finding yourselves somewhere in the middle. Maybe in a rush of words they’ll say something arbitrary that for some reason makes your stomach smile, you know, tickles you in ways that a copy paste publish poem can’t. Maybe you’re unsure because you’ve already invested your thoughts and feelings elsewhere without yielding any profit or interest; maybe you feel safer holding on to what’s already failed because that failure is familiar and comfortable and you wear it so well. But maybe — and this is just another suggestion — maybe you can try again, instead of loving someone you can’t be with. 

"What Doesn’t Kill Us Makes Us Something"

A repost from http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/what-doesnt-kill-us-makes-us-something/
by  MILA JARONIEC

I think about this sometimes: about how messed up we all really are on the inside. How we put on this “day face” and try to just live life and be okay, but underneath all that we have all these layers of neuroses and disappointments and unresolved issues that stay dormant until they’re triggered. Not overtly, most of the time — we wouldn’t be able to function if it were overt all the time — but under. Underneath us, inside of us. Things that happened to us that changed us. Heartbreak and trauma woven into the texture of our skins.

I think about this sometimes when I’m talking to someone, especially someone I know. It’s always more pronounced when it’s someone you know: you’re looking at them and they’re looking at you and you’re discussing something stupid like where to get dinner and all of a sudden it’s a surprise punch in the stomach, simultaneously seeing the person right in front of you and everything they’ve been through smudged around them like a sort of aura. You look at this person who was once on the verge of suicide, or overcame a serious illness, or had a dad who drank or no family at all, and they’re right there, talking, standing. They’re fine. They’re there. And you get this sudden impulse to weep or just touch them actually to make sure they’re real and wish you could borrow their strength for a moment because your own bones are crumbling.

It’s crazy to think about sometimes how all of us, even the most put together of us, are comprised of layers upon layers of experiences that once broke us, cracked our shells; about how we’re constantly mending ourselves, gluing ourselves together so we can remain in one piece and keep going forward for some reason. Underneath the outer layer we’re these coarse tangles of fears and mental blocks and sense memories and the older we get the more they just build and build. Sometimes we want nothing more than to be able to “let go” and leave the past in the past where it belongs, but these things imprint, in a way. They brand us. We can’t get rid of them and we wouldn’t be ourselves without them.

I was talking to a friend of mine recently and we started discussing our “stories,” and the more she told me about her life the more I became in awe of her — I felt like, if I were ever made to go through what she went through, I probably wouldn’t have made it past the 8^th grade. But then, if I step outside of myself sometimes and take an objective look at what I went through, I’m in awe of myself as well. It all looks like so much more when you just look at it from a distance; more intense, in a way. More overwhelming. More something.

What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger but it also makes us f-cking tired.

We promise ourselves we’re going to stop letting ourselves get hurt. We wrap ourselves in impenetrable cocoons, or we try to. But it doesn’t really work that way — as much as we want to become immune, become untouchable, we can’t be: the world still wants to play and we can’t really say no. We’re just as fragile and breakable as we’ve always been; we just have more layers on this time around.

Of course, someone somewhere always has it worse. And I’m not going to say everyone deserves some sort of medal for getting out of bed in the morning. But damn it, when you think about all this weight that piles up on us, and all our different coping strategies (some adaptive, some not so much), and the scars we accumulate throughout our lives (everyone has them) that make us all the interesting damaged messes that we are; the way we individually experience loss and heartbreak and nothingness and push through it, we’re doing a pretty good job as humans. We do things. We go to work. We go to school. We do the laundry. We breathe. We function. We grieve and we pick ourselves up and adapt and keep going.

We keep moving, because there’s not a whole lot else to do. 

An open letter to the one I love

Dear You,

I don't know how to start this letter but by saying, hey.. Hey, the very same word that used to start our conversations.. Which seemingly have faded into the background..

I thought of writing this letter to tell you a few things I know I could never (at least for now) tell you in person and maybe if you do get to read this, you'd better understand why I have been acting the way I have been the past few days, weeks, months..

I will never forget the day I met you and I'd willingly redo it all over even if we do it a hundred times.. I knew right then and there that you were going to be someone special, I didn't know in what way but I knew you would be.. You weren't like the other guys I've dated before, not that we dated, or we did but not like "dated" as in the relationship status.. Okay, I'm blabbering again.. Anywaaay.. I liked you because you were different and you didn't even have to try to be.. It wasn't like you were trying to prove anything to anyone but more like, you were just being real, being true to who you really are..

Did I make you sound too perfect? Disclaimer, You weren't. But I don't say this with any pun intended. You're tough and you always liked to tease.. You were insensitive and dense.. (I say 'were' because I say this in reference to the time we spent together, which is now in the past.) You talked a lot about yourself and you were always so arrogant.. Yes, you were and you maybe still are sweetie.. But I've gotten used to it, so it doesn't really bother me as much anymore.. You used to always make me cry with the things you said; it seemed like it was one of your hobbies to annoy me, to pick on me, which again, I stopped caring about after a while.. I guess these are things you get used to or stop minding once you've developed extraordinary feelings for the same person..

I want to let you know that I fell in love with you way too early and a little bit too late.. Like what Jensen Gomez' song said "We never had a shot, it was always not in time, it was always undefined.." I never really understood what we were but I guess then, I just appreciated the time we spent together and the attention that you gave me.. You came in right timing though cause you helped me realized that I had to move on, that I had to let go of the past and that it was okay to trust another human being again.. You made me forget and you made me realize that I could be happy again, by myself and well... with you.. But it wasn't the perfect time.. Because when I thought I could finally love again, I couldn't.. Because it wouldn't have been right to love you for many reasons.. Which reasons, I know you know too..

But despite this, I still allowed myself to love you, without any intentions of pursuing you or pursuing a relationship with you.. And despite my strong feelings for you, it never bothered me that my love was unrequited.. Sure I hoped that you saw me in the same way I saw you, but hoping was the farthest that it went.. Sure it hurt that I could never want you to love me back, sure our situation hurt me, but I couldn't have wanted it any other way... And never have I or will I regret that choice to love you because it taught me a lot.. Not only about myself and about love, but about life and sacrifice and giving, in an all new deeper more substantive meaning..

But as much as I'd love to continue on loving you, I can't.. Because like you, I too am human.. I too get tired,  I too have needs, I too need someone to hold, to make me feel secure, to make me feel that things would be alright.. All I wanted was for you to let me go, for it to be easier, for moving on to be a little more bearable.. And I think somehow, the winds have sent you my whispers.. I don't know when you decided to, but I know that you finally have.. Let go of me, that is.. And with that, today, I choose to let you go too.. I'm sorry if I can't tell you upfront that I'm now going away.. Seeing you might just change my mind.. But today, I want you to know that I have to go.. Nowhere far but nowhere near you too.. I can't keep clinging on to you and to our "almost" uhmm, "us". I can't keep holding on to our little conversations and the hopes of getting to hang out.. I need to this, not only for your peace but for mine as well.. For my own peace of mind..

I hope to hear from you in the future.. To hear how you're doing.. How your boss is treating you.. How life is being cruel or nice to you.. I hope to hear what new dreams you have and which of the old ones you have achieved.. But until then, I guess this is the last that you'd hear from me..

I love you... And yes, you had me at hello..

Love,
Ky

This is just timely, "Reasons you might be crying"

A repost from http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/reasons-you-might-be-crying/
by: Kat George



There is actually something wrong.
You are hangry.
Something existential is happening to you.
You are tired.
You are bleeding out of your vagina.
It’s your birthday.
Someone did something moving on the subway.
You just really want to cry, alright?

Sometimes you will cry because something awful has happened, and I’m so sorry; I genuinely wish that you never have to cry for this reason. Most of the time, however, you’re probably crying because of something really stupid. Let me help you understand your tears better.

Hangry isn’t just for babies, but if you’re hangry you’re probably crying like one. It’s when you’re so hungry you get super angry, and everything becomes overwhelming so you bawl. In the case of hanger crying, the water works can be turned off with a prompt feeding. Having someone around to burp you afterwards is a plus.

It’s indefinable, self indulgent, and most of all, will repel anyone you try to talk to, but sometimes you just get this universal feeling about life (mostly your life. What am I saying, completely your life), and it’s so ambiguous and grand that you can’t quite put your finger on it, so you cry instead. My best advice is reserve this one for the work place toilet stall and sleepless nights alone at 2 a.m.

You’ll often be able to preempt this by identifying delirium. For instance, say you’ve just caught a red eye flight, were unable to sleep (because let’s face it, you have to be a complete sociopath or have some really, really good drugs to actually be able to get any proper shut-eye on a plane), went straight to work where, by your third coffee, at around 4 p.m. you found yourself laughing hysterically at nonsense jokes and talking in high pitched giggles about serious things, you’re in for some serious tears by 5 p.m. The delirium will abate into a moody silence and by the time you’re on the subway you’ll be dripping snot into your lap and sobbing like a small child who just wants to curl up on mom’s lap.

If you’re a woman and you suddenly cry (even if you think there’s a “reason,” like your boyfriend looked at you funny or your roommate used your last drop of milk), immediately take off your pants. If you are bleeding out of your vagina then everything is OK, there’s no problem here; back away from the situation and cry in hibernation as much as you please until you’re able to gain control of your emotions again slash when your vagina isn’t bleeding any more.

Is it your birthday? Are you upset because you’re spending it without your loved ones? Sad that you’re getting older? So overwhelmed with love and happiness? Didn’t get the right gift? If it’s your birthday you can cry as much as you want, especially if you’re drunk. It’s basically the only time you’re going to be entitled to sympathy and attention for drunk crying anyway, so you may as well embrace it.

The New York subway is eat or be eaten, so if you see a random act of kindness, your heartstrings will be plucked, and it will rain. Times I have cried from moving human interactions on the subway include (but are not limited to): a man leading a blind lady he did not know to an empty seat; a little girl giving her mother a bite of a donut; some kids break dancing in the aisles.

If you feel it, do it. As Michael says, “tell them that it’s human nature.”