An open letter to the one I love

Dear You,

I don't know how to start this letter but by saying, hey.. Hey, the very same word that used to start our conversations.. Which seemingly have faded into the background..

I thought of writing this letter to tell you a few things I know I could never (at least for now) tell you in person and maybe if you do get to read this, you'd better understand why I have been acting the way I have been the past few days, weeks, months..

I will never forget the day I met you and I'd willingly redo it all over even if we do it a hundred times.. I knew right then and there that you were going to be someone special, I didn't know in what way but I knew you would be.. You weren't like the other guys I've dated before, not that we dated, or we did but not like "dated" as in the relationship status.. Okay, I'm blabbering again.. Anywaaay.. I liked you because you were different and you didn't even have to try to be.. It wasn't like you were trying to prove anything to anyone but more like, you were just being real, being true to who you really are..

Did I make you sound too perfect? Disclaimer, You weren't. But I don't say this with any pun intended. You're tough and you always liked to tease.. You were insensitive and dense.. (I say 'were' because I say this in reference to the time we spent together, which is now in the past.) You talked a lot about yourself and you were always so arrogant.. Yes, you were and you maybe still are sweetie.. But I've gotten used to it, so it doesn't really bother me as much anymore.. You used to always make me cry with the things you said; it seemed like it was one of your hobbies to annoy me, to pick on me, which again, I stopped caring about after a while.. I guess these are things you get used to or stop minding once you've developed extraordinary feelings for the same person..

I want to let you know that I fell in love with you way too early and a little bit too late.. Like what Jensen Gomez' song said "We never had a shot, it was always not in time, it was always undefined.." I never really understood what we were but I guess then, I just appreciated the time we spent together and the attention that you gave me.. You came in right timing though cause you helped me realized that I had to move on, that I had to let go of the past and that it was okay to trust another human being again.. You made me forget and you made me realize that I could be happy again, by myself and well... with you.. But it wasn't the perfect time.. Because when I thought I could finally love again, I couldn't.. Because it wouldn't have been right to love you for many reasons.. Which reasons, I know you know too..

But despite this, I still allowed myself to love you, without any intentions of pursuing you or pursuing a relationship with you.. And despite my strong feelings for you, it never bothered me that my love was unrequited.. Sure I hoped that you saw me in the same way I saw you, but hoping was the farthest that it went.. Sure it hurt that I could never want you to love me back, sure our situation hurt me, but I couldn't have wanted it any other way... And never have I or will I regret that choice to love you because it taught me a lot.. Not only about myself and about love, but about life and sacrifice and giving, in an all new deeper more substantive meaning..

But as much as I'd love to continue on loving you, I can't.. Because like you, I too am human.. I too get tired,  I too have needs, I too need someone to hold, to make me feel secure, to make me feel that things would be alright.. All I wanted was for you to let me go, for it to be easier, for moving on to be a little more bearable.. And I think somehow, the winds have sent you my whispers.. I don't know when you decided to, but I know that you finally have.. Let go of me, that is.. And with that, today, I choose to let you go too.. I'm sorry if I can't tell you upfront that I'm now going away.. Seeing you might just change my mind.. But today, I want you to know that I have to go.. Nowhere far but nowhere near you too.. I can't keep clinging on to you and to our "almost" uhmm, "us". I can't keep holding on to our little conversations and the hopes of getting to hang out.. I need to this, not only for your peace but for mine as well.. For my own peace of mind..

I hope to hear from you in the future.. To hear how you're doing.. How your boss is treating you.. How life is being cruel or nice to you.. I hope to hear what new dreams you have and which of the old ones you have achieved.. But until then, I guess this is the last that you'd hear from me..

I love you... And yes, you had me at hello..

Love,
Ky