"Can we be friends?"

In reply to the thought catalog entry "Discussion: if somebody breaks your heart, can you still be friends? http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/discussion-if-somebody-breaks-your-heart-can-you-still-be-friends/

I hate how this question pops up after the very long confrontational talk about how it isn't working anymore and that you think it's best that we end this relationship already. That's it's not really me, that it's you. That you need space and time and a breath of fresh air. That you still loved me, or at least you think you still do but you can't stay anymore. And that's the cue for that dreadful and stupid move you do, you ask the even more stupid question "Can we [still] be friends?"

NO. Well, at least not yet. Not in a million years, or maybe a tad fewer than a million, maybe a thousand or a hundred but it sure won't be anytime soon. It's stupid to ask this question because it's a lame attempt to mask your guilt, to console yourself from the guilt you're feeling. Quit it. You know very well yourself that the last thing you want to be with your now ex girlfriend is to be friends with her. Not that you hate her, or maybe you do, but because you know that it's not going to work out. It won't work out.

You come into her life, make her feel all gooey and cheesy, change her routines, infiltrate her system with you, take up all of her time, build dreams with her, pursue them a little each day, wake up one day and you realize you don't want it anymore, start to distance yourself, and then you have the talk. You know you've broken her heart and you've crushed her dreams, her soul, and whatever there is left to crush, and you ask her "Can we still be friends?" really? You think that's a good idea? So no. After you've broken someone's heart, the last thing you want to be is be her friend. I am not trying to say that ex lovers won't be friends, but I'm saying that it won't happen instantly after that break up. Don't try too hard to fix things by offering your crying shoulder when you know the reason she's crying is you. You aren't obliged to be friends. Just let life happen, see if it brings you together again and from there decide if it's smart to be friends again.

no, you can't be friends with your ex lovers after a break up, not until you both firmly know that being friends won't trigger any kind of emotion anymore and that you've already both moved on enough to handle being in each others' lives again. As friends.