What Private Life?

One of the things I disliked most about being a worship leader before was the feeling of being watched. It's as if someone was always watching me, waiting and anticipating for me to do something wrong, commit a mistake, so that there would be something to talk about. I hated how extra attention was placed over me, although of course I understood why that was so more and more by the year. The thing about being a worship leader is, there really isn't any great divide between your personal life and your public life. This is because people expect you to be a worship leader 24/7 and that all your acts may, can and will affect someone, one way or the other.

I remember dreading days when I would be called to the Pastor's office for uttering a 'bad' word, double the danger if I posted it online. If not for that, I'd be called in because I was supposedly seen "out partying" holding something I shouldn't be holding. Sometimes, I wondered how they knew these things and it made me think that they were there doing the same thing, only before they get caught, they tell on me so they won't be caught red handed.

Thing is, I understand that when you're a leader and a servant, people look up to you, people see you as an authority of some sorts.. What I don't understand is why people need to pry into everything.. And what's worse is when they start twisting things up like licorice.

Anyway. I thought that now that I'm on leave for an indefinite while, that I can finally be freed from the watchful eye of the public. Apparently, not so. While reading canons of the code of professional responsibility of lawyers, my heart dropped when I saw that there won't be any distinction between a lawyer's private life and the public one, not anytime soon. Great. Just great. Soooo. How do I know which role I'm playing then?

I guess that's one of the peeves. When you're going into something big like leading or lawyering, expect that no private life is going to happen. No questionable photo would be left unscrutinized, no rebellious article will be left unnoticed and no relationship will escape the talk of the town. I guess I have to make the most out of what's left of that life now,, because after I take the bar, all I'll have left of it will be pieces of memory.