Of realizations in the shower

And suddenly the shower has ceased to be just a place of relief, comfort and relaxation. It has officially become a place where important life decisions are [well] thought of and made. It has become my place of solace and sanity and my own little personal space.

And mind you, I need my personal space... Especially in cramped areas like the Andrew Elevator where it's as if people don't even mind that other people are breathing down their necks and their faces are so far as an inch away from each other..

Going back.. Today, I made a decision in the shower and I realized what kind of woman I am and what sort of values I uphold.. I realized that despite my open mind and wide understanding of today's norms, I am still one of those conservatives..

Please don't think I'm trying to say that I'm a saint.. Or that I'm one of those women who have done nothing beyond what their parents expect of them. I have my fair share of faults and stupid mistakes and I guess these are the very things that molded me to become who I am today.

I have decided that even if the world is so tempting and that men are even more tempting, I will do all that I can in my power to stay intact. I realized that I respect myself enough to at least wait until I am truly ready. I will wait until the man worthy to share it with me comes. The man who in the same way would wait until I am ready. So much things in this world have lost its meaning, and I don't want the union to be one of those meaningless ventures. I want it to mean the world to the both of us.

Also, I don't want to give away myself to multiple men. I've already allowed myself to fool around with enough men to know that I don't want anymore fooling around. I am not the kind who finds it so easy to just sleep around. If he can't wait, then he isn't worthy. And in the same way if suddenly I can't wait, I do not deserve him.

This is not because the bible says that it's wrong to have pre-marital sex. Or because God says it is a sin. This is more than just what my religion and faith say. This is about me learning that no one will respect me if I don't respect myself. And that I should be the first person giving it to myself, before anyone else. This is me learning to be in control.. This is me learning to be thoughtful and mindful of both my decisions and actions..

This is because I want to be everything I hope it would be.. Special, meaningful.. And awkward :)