Tips On Making A New Year's Resolution

Now that it's almost the end of the year, I'm sure a lot of you are thinking of your possible resolutions, if you haven't already made them. If some of you have noticed, it's like we only remember our resolutions during the first few months of the year and by the end of the year, it's either it's under accomplished or not accomplished at all.

And with that, I thought of coming up with some tips in helping you guys create a better New Year's Resolutions so that 2013 may be a more fruitful year for all of us.

1. Make it realistic.
Don't place things like "Live life; Go on a Euro Trip!" when you know you don't have the means to do so because you're still a student or because your salary just won't allow it YET or "Face my fears; Go bungee jumping!" when you're not even sure if there actually is a bungee jumping facility in your place.

Ex. Maintain a healthy lifestyle; Go on a no-pork diet!
This is realistic because there are other alternatives to pork and because most if not all restaurants already offer a wife variety of alternatives to pork.

2. Make it practical.
Always consider your time and budget when deciding on things to do or not do. It's good to have high goals but its also important that the goals are achievable and not impossible. Don't go "Start a new hobby; collect wine!" when you know your allowance won't en get you through your daily cravings or that your monthly salary can barely suffice for your luxuries.

Ex. "Be more responsible; pay bills on time." This would be a good way to discipline yourself as well.

3. Make it specific.
Don't just use generic and general statements like "Lose weight." Or "See more places." Put values, and names and limits and not just motherhood statements.

Ex. Lose 2kls a month! There's a specific goal, realistic and practical too! Or say, Surf the waves of Baler. That's specific one too cause you know what if is you want to do and where you want to do it.

4. Have a target.
You should know which of your goals are long term or short term ones. Set a timeline, deadlines for your goals if you may, so that you would be more motivated to do them.

Ex. Increase my stamina; be able to join a 16k run by June. That's specific, time bound, practical and realistic.. Only if you are already running. But if you haven't even joined a 3k, don't even think about it. You'll just I hire yourself.

5. Make it fun!
Don't just put things you need to improve on in school or at work or with how you deal with things. You should be creative with your resolutions too because you're actually creating them to make a better year out of the coming one.

Ex. Meet more people; attend social gatherings at least twice a month! Especially for those single people who want to meet someone already, you can't just wait on him and sit on the couch, you have to go out there too and discover what it is that catches your eye. As the saying goes, work hard and play hard.

I hope those tips helped! :) if you want to, you can share your resolutions with me and the rest of blogger by commenting on this blog or sending me an email through kelsey_mendoza@yahoo.com! :)

Goodluck!

I hope it's not too late.

Most often than not, we take for granted the things that we have and give them value and attention only when we start losing them. It's a sad reality but it's not like anyone does anything about it. So today, I went thru my blogs again and most certainly, I got nostalgic, sentimental and sad again. Looking through all of the posts made me realize that maybe s/he really meant it when s/he said that s/he didn't feel appreciated by me. So here goes my apology and appreciation.

First of all, I want to say sorry for all the pain I've caused you and the people who love you. I have accepted through time that I am a tough one and that everything we went thru was most certainly tough on you too. I'm sorry for being selfish and for not trying to understand beyond what I can see and feel and hear. I know you had reasons as to why you did the things you had to do but I guess it was never really clear to me, and that was what hurt me. I'm sorry for our failed attempts to reconciliation and for my temper and tears that always got in the way of our almost-but-not-quite-there-yet ones.

I'm sorry if I asked you of too much, if I asked you for what was already beyond what you could give. I'm sorry if I did not support you enough with the things you wanted to do or the dreams you wanted to fulfill. I'm sorry that I was too stubborn to see that you were happy with who you were and that you were already getting fed up of other people trying to tell you how to live your life or what kind of person you should be. I'm sorry if I failed to be the best friend I promised I would be.

If its worth anything, I want to let you know that I really did remain loyal and faithful to us and our friendship. I loved you in ways I didn't know I was even capable of. Thank you that up until the end, you were a stubborn as I was. I guess if it wasn't for that, things would be more complicated now more than it ever was. Thank you.

I know I'm a beyotch at times and that I'm difficult and impossible, but thanks for staying despite all of that. Thanks for still being here, up until now. You are awesome. And I hope you know that I love you, I still do and I'm ready to be that best friend I promised to be, for you :)

Goodnight, loved one.

Random Tugs

A few years back, I was assisted to realize that I in fact had a gift of prophecy. Please, don't construe it as I being able to foretell or foresee the future or anything like that. I am not one with a gift of fortune-telling but of prophecy, the biblical kind. If anything, the gift comes with the ability to speak for truth in situations and the ability to receive messages of warning, rebuke, news and whatnots from the Father. I haven't really mastered the gift as I have admittedly not have been practicing lately, but I for one know that it's there.

I first experienced using this gift unintentionally, in church, at a farewell party of a person whom I didn't know so well yet. I forgot why but we started praying for each other. After praying and the usual hugs and stuff, she got my hands and asked if I knew about the gift of prophecy. Honestly, I didn't, but she was kind enough to explain it to me anyway. Well, being a girl of not-so-tender-yet-tender age, she explained it in the simplest way by saying something like "It's a gift of being able to know the right things to say to the people going through things without you really knowing the whole picture.. And these things you say are God-given." I never forgot that moment ever since.

And so lately, I think the gift tugged on me again, in a different way. It was a normal day, I remember I was walking from somewhere to somewhere when suddenly, this person was placed in my heart. I remembered her and I felt a strong kind of longing towards her. I contacted a few people to collect her number but to no avail. One of those whom I contacted revealed something about the person I remembered, something she was going through, and right then and there, I connected the dots and knew that that was why I suddenly remembered her. And I'm glad I did.

I miss her and how we used to be good company to each other. Now more than anything, I pray for the wisdom to know the proper way to approach her and the proper if not the wisest things to say.

I miss you Tita, C.

What Private Life?

One of the things I disliked most about being a worship leader before was the feeling of being watched. It's as if someone was always watching me, waiting and anticipating for me to do something wrong, commit a mistake, so that there would be something to talk about. I hated how extra attention was placed over me, although of course I understood why that was so more and more by the year. The thing about being a worship leader is, there really isn't any great divide between your personal life and your public life. This is because people expect you to be a worship leader 24/7 and that all your acts may, can and will affect someone, one way or the other.

I remember dreading days when I would be called to the Pastor's office for uttering a 'bad' word, double the danger if I posted it online. If not for that, I'd be called in because I was supposedly seen "out partying" holding something I shouldn't be holding. Sometimes, I wondered how they knew these things and it made me think that they were there doing the same thing, only before they get caught, they tell on me so they won't be caught red handed.

Thing is, I understand that when you're a leader and a servant, people look up to you, people see you as an authority of some sorts.. What I don't understand is why people need to pry into everything.. And what's worse is when they start twisting things up like licorice.

Anyway. I thought that now that I'm on leave for an indefinite while, that I can finally be freed from the watchful eye of the public. Apparently, not so. While reading canons of the code of professional responsibility of lawyers, my heart dropped when I saw that there won't be any distinction between a lawyer's private life and the public one, not anytime soon. Great. Just great. Soooo. How do I know which role I'm playing then?

I guess that's one of the peeves. When you're going into something big like leading or lawyering, expect that no private life is going to happen. No questionable photo would be left unscrutinized, no rebellious article will be left unnoticed and no relationship will escape the talk of the town. I guess I have to make the most out of what's left of that life now,, because after I take the bar, all I'll have left of it will be pieces of memory.

Something Personal

Everyday, I try to look for something within my life to be grateful for because they say, the happiest people are those who know that they have much to be thankful for. Most of the time, even if I find that the blessings are small and simple, I learn to appreciate that in life most if not all are relative. If we would learn how to appreciate the simple things, they won't be as simple as we initially thought. 

And so today, I found another thing to be grateful about, my family set-up. 

Even if we aren't perfect and most of the time very dysfunctional, I am thankful that despite my parents' separation-in-fact, we have all learned the ways to make this weird set-up of ours work. I am thankful that despite my parents' falling out, that falling out hasn't gotten in the way our relationships with one other. Also, I am glad that my parents are civil enough to at least behave properly when we're all around each other and that they don't create an even more awkward atmosphere than it already is. Also, I'm glad that none of them raised us having any sort of ill-feelings towards the opposing parent; my mom was nice enough to keep her mouth zipped despite my dad's shortcomings as to not taint mine and my brother's image of him and that my dad was nice enough to still be a dad to us.

If we just choose to see things in a better perspective, we'd realize that we have so much in our lives to be thankful for and that it doesn't need to take a Benz or an Audi to make us feel blessed in life. 

2012 Christmas Wishlist

Just because it has been a tradition for me to post up my Christmas Wishlist :)

So here goes!

1. A new set of acrylic paint and some brushes to go with them. Brands don't matter.

2. My own (printed) copy of Harper Lee's "To kill a mockingbird" and John Green's "A fault in our stars".

3. Other new books. Preferably nothing about vampires, or illicit affairs, or cheesy teenager escapades (sorry).

4. A leather backpack. Or one with a pretty Aztec print design.

5. A new watch. (Specifically that one in Aldo with interchangeable straps but of course not limited to that)

6. A bottle of "The Beach House".

7. A 2013 Daily Planner

These are only what I can think of now. I'll constantly update this list whenever I think of something new.

Happy Christmas! <3 br="br">

I am not lazy, I am bored

Recently, I put some thought on things such as my habits and the way I do things. And I've come to realize that I am not real;y lazy, I'm actually bored.

I am currently under a health program which requires me to do and not do quite a number of things. I have to do this, I can't do that, yadah yadah. One of the things I should do is to take 40-minute walks as often as I can until becomes a part of my daily routine. On normal days, even if I really do like to lose weight, I'd have tendencies of thinking "I'll skip today and do extra tomorrow" and skip everything altogether. But today, I realized that I'm not actually lazy because even if I knew that I had a lot of things to do and that I'd prefer to lie on the couch and get some eye-shut for a few, I didn't. Even if it was raining outside, I wore my gear plus a hat, plugged in my earphones, set the timer and walked/ran. Another negative thing about me, which I've previously written a blog about too, is that I'm really impatient to the point that sometimes, it's irrational. Going back, since I am impatient, 40mins seem so long, which increases the tendency of me looking at the timer ever so often. Nevertheless, I still finish the 40mins. And with that, I conclude that contrary to what my mom and I think, I'm actually not lazy. I'm just really bored.

When I do the same things for a long period already, I get bored and eventually, I'd dislike doing it and do anything and everything if I may say, to put off that thing I dislike doing. Sometimes, I don't feel like picking up my law books not because I'm too lazy read but because I have become uninterested. Over the break, I finished a book in a couple of hours, just to show that I have no problems whatsoever when it comes to reading.

So if anything, I'm more bored and tired than lazy because I know that I'll readily clean out a closet or do a paint job or any order tedious thing except maybe, lift stuff.

Anyway, it's 3:10 in the morning. I should go to bed. Goodnight.  

Frantically thinking about something that makes me more panicky

So, I've recently read a post on one of my FB groups which I really didn't mind until.... Now.

The post informed us that we were going to have a "Ball" of some sorts this coming Christmas. Honestly? I am excited! I haven't gone to a party in a while, the kind where you dress up and put on fancy make up and wear shoes that will make your feet cuss at you by the end of the night.

But suddenly, I thought about balls and the necessity (well, usually) of having dates. And I swear at that very moment, I choked. I frantically panicked! (Yes, redundant I know.) I hope that they don't make us bring dates, like it's the type of balls that you'd go into it dateless and get out of it with one. Is that a soirée? I'm sorry. But maybe, it CAN be that type o ball. But if it isn't, I. Am. Doomed.

I seriously don't want to go with someone who I'm not comfortable with. I don't want the dead airs and the painful awkward silences add up to the possible awkwardness of the night. I don't want to go with someone with whom I've had little conversations with because conversations will get me through the night and the lack thereof will kill me. It will.

I can go with someone I like. But the problem is, there's no one under that classification. Unless, I can grab one from the basketball team. But, really, there is no one.

I've realized just a few moments ago that I have very little guy friends whom I'm close with. And in the limited choice, there are very few who actually tower over me. So please, relieve me from my anxiety. If there's anyway.

Sigh.

Ky.

8 Things That Wouldn't Hurt

We're only young a few years and old for the rest of our lives, why not live wisely if not "like we're dying"?

1. It wouldn't hurt if you loosened up every once in a while.
Instead of going for a black blazer, why not use instead a pastel colored cardigan? Place your feet on the coffee table while you read your favorite book, coffee tables are low and small for a reason. Play old school hits like "Play that funky music" or "Ice Ice baby" or "Stay the light" and actually dance to them! Watch cartoons or the the food channel or whatever channel to your liking. Unless there's a raging storm or an incoming hurricane or a war, you don't have to watch the news 24/7. Your brain needs a break too!

2. It wouldn't hurt if you spend some of your money to pamper yourself. Take note: SOME.
Instead of the usual retail therapy, why not get a home service for a massage or a mani-pedi? Get a slice of your favorite cake. Skip that espresso or brewed coffee and go for that caramel macchiato. Go online and look up the recipe of your favorite dish. Actually go to the grocery store, get your ingredients and cook or prepare yourself a good and hearty meal. With a little extra cheese, or mushrooms, or that Caesar or Ranch dressing. After the long week, you deserve a treat.

3. It wouldn't hurt if you spent at least 30mins. of your day on exercise.
If you don't have time to go the gym, or if it's out of the budget, why not walk around your village for 30mins? Invest on 2-4lbs dumbbells. Download that Nike Training program on your iPod and do the workouts at least twice a week. Take the stairs to the 3rd floor. Skip the tricycle ride and walk to your house. Play out loud your greatest house mix playlist and dance to them. There are a lot of ways to use up those stored energy, we can always be creative and resourceful.

4. It wouldn't hurt if you helped other people.
Helping doesn't always have to involve money. Help can be in the form of time and effort. Help your little brother with his assignment. Help your mom with her garden, or with doing the groceries. Listen to your friend's recent existential dilemma. Volunteer for the relief operations, or to the tutorial of kids, or even in the cleaning and repairing of your church. Spend a day with an orphan and make her happy, that's help too! But if you can shell out finances, help send a kid to school or support missions or purchase milk and diapers for the orphanage. Conduct a feeding or bathing program. Share God's word! That's also a way to help others :)

5. It wouldn't hurt if you be nice to people. Even when you don't feel like it.
Say thank you to the officer who help you cross the street or the crew that help you carry your food tray. Thank your secretary for staying even if you're a ferocious monster half of the time. Smile at babies. Say please when you ask for a favor. Ask how the security guards' day were, before you exit your building. Tell your parents you love them for no reason at all. Buy Sampaguitas from street children. Remember to give food and not alms to the poor. We all deserve some degree kindness :)

6. It wouldn't hurt if you be still even for just a while.
Meditate. Switch off your electronic gadgets and just lie still on your bed. Think of everything and then nothing. Notice your breathing, look out the window, listen to the clock. Appreciate silence and the pleasure of doing nothing. Stop worrying, designate a time to worry. Drop work for 5 minutes, stretch out your arms and legs and just breathe. Close your eyes, rest them a while and then open them again. Just. Be. Still.

7. It wouldn't hurt if you be honest with how we feel.
If we're having a bad day, we can say so. If we enjoyed the meal we had, we can share it. If we're unhappy with an output given to us, we can give constructive feedback instead of redoing and editing it without his consent or knowledge. We can say we feel sick and take the afternoon off if we really can't function anymore. We can tell our partners what we want and what we don't need. Honesty liberates us in ways we only belittle. You'd be surprised as to how much relief honesty can and will bring.

8. It wouldn't hurt if you prayed. more.
It is only right that we give back to God. We can thank him for that birthday card that was thoughtfully sent by your friend or the approval from our boss that we worked hard for, or the time we spent with our family last weekend. We can pray for our heart's desires and our struggles and our pains. We can never make it on our own that's why it's always nice to know that there's a very busy father up there who still prioritized us enough to listen to our rants and whims, no matter how petty. :)

10 Traits I Hope My [Future] Boyfriend Would Have

1. Faithful.
By faithful here I mean, having a lot of Faith, not just in life or in me, but ultimately in God. I need Him to have a personal relationship with God. I need him to see the importance of worshipping and going to church. I need him to love God more than he loves me. I don't need a religious man, I need one who is Faithful.

2. Loyal.
Of course, I need him to be loyal too. I need him to be loyal to me, to our commitment, to our plans and to his words. I need him to understand that he made a choice to be with only one, and that he would stick with thy choice even through bad days.

3. Family-Oriented.
Because I grew up valuing family and my relationships with each one of them, I'd like him to be the same. I need him to value his family, his parents above anyone and then his siblings. In the same way, I need him to give importance to our own family a well; that we should always be a part of the decisions he makes, his children most especially.

4. Goal-Oriented.
Behind every man's success, were goals he wanted to fulfill. I need him to be goal-oriented because I cannot and will not live in uncertainty. I don't need to have everything all figured out all at once but I need to know that he at least wants to achieve something. He has to have dreams and visions, for himself and for us. He has to know what he wants an why he wants then and gets them done.

5. Persevere
I don't need you to be wildly intelligent but I need you to persevere enough to learn what you don't know or to understand what you cannot. I don't need you to be filthy reach but I need to know that you are as willing as I am to work our asses off to be able to lead a comfortable life. I don't need a quitter or weak spirit. I need a fighter.

6. Honest.
I need a man who speaks his mind. One who says when he's hungry or the food I cooked wasn't great or that I look fat in my dress or that he's tired and just wants to sleep. I hate sugar coating to prevent hurting feelings. Please no that just aggravates it.

7. Practical.
If we do end up being well-off, I hope to God that he's practical. I hope that he doesn't spend 40,000 bucks on a pair a shoes that looks like the 3,000-buck we earlier saw. Even if we have a lot to spend, I hope that he chooses to spend practically and wisely.

8. Empathetic and/or Sympathetic.
I hate it when people are indifferent or apathetic or isn't opinionated. We were all entitled to a brain and a heart that chooses we stand for. If the guy had no interest at all in helping street kids, or badly beaten up women or trafficked children or the development of this country, then he is free to sleep on the couch until he learns the importance of these things.

9. Nationalistic and/or Patriotic.
I cannot marry anyone who things the western way is the way to go. Unless he's a foreigner, he may not act like one. I am a Filipino, and despite many embarrassing things that have tainted the beautiful history of this country, I will stay a Filipino to my last breath.

10. Appreciative.
I hope that he won't be so hard to please. That he'd equally enjoy a fancy dinner and a picnic in the park. That he'd equally enjoy long walks on the beach and staying in and watching old cheesy movies. I hope that he finds happiness in seeing the beauty of nature and not just buildings and architectural structures. I hope that he likes random post-it notes and sweet nothing's. I hope he likes hand written letters. I just hope he's appreciative :)

Are these too much to ask?

Just a random thought

Narcissism aside, I wonder if anyone ever felt like they made a wrong choice when they chose to leave me. Or if anyone secretly regrets not staying or fighting, or at least saying that they felt something.

Our life in passing

When we were little, we dreamt of being like those people we saw in movies or in beauty magazines. We wanted to be princesses and superheroes and maybe, fairies and other mythical creatures too. We played castle with our friends, combed each other's hair and sometimes poured imaginary tea on the cups of our imaginary friends. Carton boxes were more than just empty boxes, they were spaceships and race cars and caves and houses. Such imagination we had back then.

On good days, when it wasn't raining too hard or if the heat wasn't scorching, we'd play outside, if not in our own backyards, at the pavements of the nearest side streets. We'd draw all sorts of things on the ground after realizing that stones etch white markings if you use them as writing materials against the pavements. We'd enjoy ourselves a little too much and would dread the time when we'd hear our mothers calling us in for either, an afternoon nap, shower or supper.

And then we grew up a little. We started having crushes and boyfriends and our barbies were left in the cabinets. Suddenly, we were always so conscious of how we looked or if our clothes matched or if it was a good hair day. We always wanted to be with our friends and our parents were the greatest antagonists in our stories. On desperate days, we crept out of the house to attend this party all the cool kids were going to. After all that trouble trying to keep the gate as silent a possible while you closed it or that old screen door from banging.. After all the nervousness when you walked or rode a cab to your friend's house, you realize that the party wasn't as rad as you thought it would be and only the in people seem to be having a good time. You try to small talk some people but it just isn't working out. The morning after, you're having a bad headache from an equally bad hangover from last night!s party because you had to drown yourself in alcohol just to fool yourself that you were having fun. You go to school and fall asleep in class only to wake up and realize that you forgot you had a quiz in geometry that day. You fail and that was the beginning of your failing streak. This wasn't you.

You enter college and you promise to redeem yourself. It was all you ever dreamt of, going to college in that big ol university. And then you realize, college isn't as fun as you thought it would be. It wasn't as liberating as those movies promised. Parties were fun, people were crazy, your friends are the best, but it still wasn't what you thought it would be like.. And feel like.. College straightened you out because with all that independence you had on your hands, you suddenly felt the burden for your own life. Who you'll become in the future, how much success you would achieve or the lack thereof would now be the outcome of your decisions. So you had to finally face reality, that things aren't as simple as they used to be.. And carton boxes are now just empty boxes waiting to be filled with things you either had to throw away or keep in storage..

And then you sit down in front of your computer screen while you scrolled through your social networking site. You look at your friends list and ask yourself how many of these friends are even really your friends. You look through old pictures and realize that your life had already passed you by. You sit there and realize that you aren't happy. That there's definitely something missing. That you yearned for something more than this but never really know what happened.

How have we become these people we don't even know? The kind of people that we promised not to be?

Ky

Disclaimer: these are fictitious situations. General experiences put together. Not pertaining to anyone or any life in particular. If anything, it would have been just a great coincidence.

I Want To Get Lost

I want to get lost and get tired, the good kind of tired.

I want to go somewhere and explore that place without having to ask for directions or having to rely on a map. I want to be somewhere where I can be lost in transportation and translation. I want to know what it's like to be the alien, to know nothing about the place and emerge from it fully immersed in the culture and language of that place. I want to fall in love, with new sights and smells and tastes and sounds. I want to relearn and re-appreciate something I already know. I want to be proven wrong and made right. I want get lost.

Also, I want to get tired. The good kind of tired. The kind of tired where you just plop on your bed at the end of the day from too much walking, or swimming or hiking, or laughing. I want to get tired from tasting different delicacies or listening to folklore and stories. I want to get tired from a 3km hike just to see that sunset. I want to get tired from dancing with the elders or singing with the kids. I want to get tired from biking around town or riding on a public transportation downtown. I want to get tired from staying up late because I'm just too happy and excited to fall asleep. I want to get tired.

I want to be somewhere else that isn't here or there. I want to see beyond what my eyes can see, feel beyond what my heart can feel, listen beyond what my ears can hear and love beyond my capacity.

I want to get drunk, with laughter, passion, wine, tears, water and sunshine.

I want to get lost and get tired, the good kind of tired.

Of Sentiments on Religion

DISCLAIMER: All of the herein published statements and opinions are mine and mine alone and they do not represent anyone else's.

Growing up, I had a lot of questions about the existence of a supreme being and honestly, I still do at times. But with the beauty of nature and the numerous life altering experiences, I could not help but to believe that there is indeed a God... And that the answers to my questions were always there all along. I am not perfect, I have fallen many times, and my glory days weren't all too glorious but I was picked-up, dusted and put back on track every single time by the One who loved.

Lately, I have been having a lot of conversations about the very controversial bill. Many have expressed their distaste in it while a few have found it's positive attributes. But the main issue is whether or not the provisions of the bill are actually contrary to church teachings, offensive to morals and dangerous to health and man. The Catholic Church have taken the opposition's side and have expressed this, time and time again. Recently, an article from the UST's official publication, The Varsitarian, released an opinion/editorial article on how as Catholics they were against the bill and also their disappointment in the DLSU&ADMU professors who have confessed their support for the bill for it was 'against' Catholic teachings. (Hot Topic)

Have we forgotten the true essence of this thing we call religion? It is not the practices nor the laws. It's LOVE. Remember that story in the Bible where Jesus Christ decided to heal on a Sabbath day when supposedly, no one should be working? And he was condemned for the same? Was it wrong for Jesus to think that healing the ill was far more important than the law on Sabbath day? Had He stood there and not did anything and that person, let say, died, wouldn't He be condemned even more for that? That He stood there and did nothing when He could have saved him instead? He did this because He was given wisdom, wisdom to discern the right from the wrong, to discern which was of paramount importance, here, the law or the life. He was reminded that the very reason of the the Law is Love and if it the law would be the hindrance to deliver the acts of love, then it would defeat the original intent and purpose. No one should be deprived of justice because of the law. No one should be a victim of prejudice because of law. The law is supposed to protect us, to guide us and to maintain peace and harmony among us. "We should defer not to the letter that killeth but to the spirit the vivifieth." In the same way, I would like us to set aside the law for a while and look into issues prima facie.

Why am I saying this? I am saying this because I would want us to reevaluate how we see 'religion'. I don't think Jesus started religion, He started a culture and His followers established religion to continue what He has started. Jesus wanted to empower the weak, heal the sick, educate the children and bring light and truth to the world, not just any truth but the truth of redemption and salvation through Him. And we the believers should have faith in Him, more importantly, a personal and growing two-way relationship with Him.

God is a gentleman. He never forces anything on anyone. He set rules and gives out commandments but He still gives man the freedom to obey these rules [or not]. He allows man to walk, to see things, to discover life, to find answers, to make mistakes because we are free to do so. What God does is, He watches over us and guides us. He gives us knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge to know what is right and lawful over what is wrong and unlawful and the wisdom to apply that knowledge, to the betterment of ourselves and of everyone else.

I thought of the phrase "The Blind Leading the Blind."

We should not blindly believe and follow rules and laws. We should know the law, it's reason and the effective means to carry it out. If we just blindly follow whatever is taught to us, then we will never learn how to stand on our own and would not be able to really say that we know what we are fighting for. Even law professors challenge laws, because they study the law and have learned the art of sound discretion and have learned to identify which are good laws and bad laws. This is the main reason why even our constitution undergoes amendments/revisions. We cannot be blind leaders and blind followers, we have to start knowing why we believe in things and why we follow things. Jesus knew. Do we?

I don't know if I'm making sense. But I hope I am. I am not trying to pose an argument but I am posing a challenge, a challenge of reevaluation. :)

All the best.

Obliviate

Sometimes, I would wish that the spell "Obliviate" (To those who don't know, it's a spell from Harry Potter which erases memories. Something like that.) would actually work on us mortals. I'd wish that we can just say 'Obliviate' and our painful memories can just vanish and be forever forgotten. On days like this one, when Nostalgia is at is highest wave and pms emotions are raging, I wish I could obliviate.

My head is throbbing from a weird headache and you're who I remember.. cause the last time I had a banging headache, I was with you.

I really have this habit of associating experiences with people and apparently, most of my daily experiences are still associated to my memories of you. I don't want to replace them but I think it's time to make new ones. Really.

Old friend, I miss you. And I need that pain reliever you gave me that day. :)

Things That Remind Me of You

You know how it's like to be reminded of things when you smell a certain scent, or see a certain sight, or taste a certain kind of food? You know how nostalgia suddenly takes over and memories suddenly come rushing through your brain? And you find yourself either smiling or tearing up? Well lately, I have been nostalgic about a lot of things and they some of them are of you. So here goes the [long] list of things which remind me of you.

1. Walking on Sampaloc St. and seeing that corner where Metrobank is situated.
2. That small Restaurant on the Corner of Sampaloc and Vito Cruz.
3. Macadamia Cookies.
4. The yellow lights of Yakal.
6. Munchies.
7. Black faux leather jackets and aviator Shades.
8. Dug up roads.
9. Hairy Legs.
10. Pesto Pasta.
11. 11:11s.
12. Pedicabs.
13. Brown Booties.
14. Plaid Polos.
15. Caffeine.
16. The word "Cypher".
17. Legaspi Park.
18. The songs "We found love", "Time after Time", "Stacey's Mom", and "Baby it's you."
19. The word "Eventually".
20. "Seeing Stars".
21. The phrase "I'll follow."
22. Massages and masseuses.

Well you know, I could go on and on and. Yes, on. I guess a lot of memories are still associated to my memories of and with you. If it's not Di obvious still, tonight I remember you :)

"Can we be friends?"

In reply to the thought catalog entry "Discussion: if somebody breaks your heart, can you still be friends? http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/discussion-if-somebody-breaks-your-heart-can-you-still-be-friends/

I hate how this question pops up after the very long confrontational talk about how it isn't working anymore and that you think it's best that we end this relationship already. That's it's not really me, that it's you. That you need space and time and a breath of fresh air. That you still loved me, or at least you think you still do but you can't stay anymore. And that's the cue for that dreadful and stupid move you do, you ask the even more stupid question "Can we [still] be friends?"

NO. Well, at least not yet. Not in a million years, or maybe a tad fewer than a million, maybe a thousand or a hundred but it sure won't be anytime soon. It's stupid to ask this question because it's a lame attempt to mask your guilt, to console yourself from the guilt you're feeling. Quit it. You know very well yourself that the last thing you want to be with your now ex girlfriend is to be friends with her. Not that you hate her, or maybe you do, but because you know that it's not going to work out. It won't work out.

You come into her life, make her feel all gooey and cheesy, change her routines, infiltrate her system with you, take up all of her time, build dreams with her, pursue them a little each day, wake up one day and you realize you don't want it anymore, start to distance yourself, and then you have the talk. You know you've broken her heart and you've crushed her dreams, her soul, and whatever there is left to crush, and you ask her "Can we still be friends?" really? You think that's a good idea? So no. After you've broken someone's heart, the last thing you want to be is be her friend. I am not trying to say that ex lovers won't be friends, but I'm saying that it won't happen instantly after that break up. Don't try too hard to fix things by offering your crying shoulder when you know the reason she's crying is you. You aren't obliged to be friends. Just let life happen, see if it brings you together again and from there decide if it's smart to be friends again.

no, you can't be friends with your ex lovers after a break up, not until you both firmly know that being friends won't trigger any kind of emotion anymore and that you've already both moved on enough to handle being in each others' lives again. As friends.

Why I love being a Filipino.

The very first reason why I love being Filipino is because of the very beautiful history that we have. From the pre-colonization to the colonization periods up until the time of the former President Fidel Ramos. Time and time again, the Filipinos have proven how courageous, nationalistic and patriotic they are. How they would really fight for what they believe is theirs. How they ousted their colonizers and fought till the last hero died. How others chose to die in the hands of the enemy than to betray their brothers and sisters. How they gained and established what was rightfully theirs, their freedom and independence. I am proud because my fore fathers were brilliant men and women. I am proud because they have created such wonderful historical evens that will always be a part of the identity of the Philippines as an independent country.

It's sad though that a lot of the youth have forgotten how unique and how strong we Filipinos are supposed to be. how they have adhered to the culture of the foreigners. How they have become slaves to colonial mentalities. How they look past the beauty of being a Filipino.

But what I know is this, I will never trade my being a Filipino for anything. I was born a Filipino and I will die or.

Sa Isip. Sa salita. At sa Gawa.

How I Like my Comfort [Food]

Because I'm feeling a little down in the dumps I thought of writing about my favorite comfort food to hopefully cheer me up and make you hungry. :)

When I'm sad.
I usually like having either ice cream or chocolate when I'm sad. I have recently discovered that I liked chocolate covered almonds and raisins and this has become my ultimate comfort chocolate. I also like having pancakes, even when it's not breakfast. I like it warm, with lots and lots of batter and a teaspoonful of cold syrup. It makes my day. I also like going for noodles and soup when I'm blue. I especially like Sopas or Chicken Mami, it makes me feel warm and full and contented.

When I'm tired.
Corned beef with Pork and Beans on garlic rice... with Ketchup! :) I totally love Ketchup. Actually, when I'm tired I really just want breakfast food, the silog kind of way. (Foreign readers, Silog in the Philippines means Sinangag and itlog which is Fried Rice and Egg in English. c: ) And I also make it a point that I get to drink chocolate milk because it calms me down, it's something psychological I guess. :)

When I'm mad.
Oh, when I'm mad I usually go for the sinful stuff like Jalapeno Cheetos or a big fat burger with cheese and mayo and lots and lots o ketchup. I also like to go for cold or hot coffee when I'm mad I guess it's because Coffee is my guilty pleasure and I feel like I have the excuse to give into guilty pleasures instead of raging when I'm mad.

What are your favorite comfort foods? :)

We Have Become a Generation of Conformists

conformist [kənˈfɔːmɪst], nounA person who adopts the attitudes, behaviour, dress, etc. of the group to which he belongs

(taken from the freelegaldictionary.com) 

I have noticed that in recent times, many young persons have lost their true identities because of conforming to norms and fads. Many teenagers have succumbed to pressures of friends and the electronic and print media. Actually, sometimes, I feel like only a very few could be considered as unique and genuine and a lot are just modified copies of another. It's like people are so scared to be labeled as "different" or "odd" that they tend to just conform to what is "accepted" or is "normal". I am not suggesting that everyone should rebel against norms or that they start a revolution of some sorts. What I am actually trying to say is that people should stick to what they really like, who they really are and what they really want to be. 

Just because it's an in thing to dye your hair doesn't mean you have to. Blonde hair may be pretty, or the hombre look may be hot but if it's not you, you don't have to do it to your hair. There are a lot of ways to make your hair look pretty in it's natural color. Who says you have to look like Tumblr girls to be pretty anyway? 

Just because it's an in thing to get a tattoo doesn't mean you have to go through the process of scaring yourself and hiding it from your folks because you know they won't allow you. You don't have to be pressured. Who cares if yours is the only un-inked skin in the circle of friends? It's just not you, they can stfu. Just because it's an in thing to wear mini skirts and short shorts and mid bearing shirts doesn't mean you have to wear those too. If you'll do nothing but pull your skirt down all night just because you feel uncomfortable showing so much skin in the first place, then you shouldn't have worn that. What's so wrong about going to a bar in a nice pair of pants? You don't always have to show so much skin to look sexy. Leave some for the imagination.

Just because everyone is drinking and getting wasted and getting high doesn't and you know YOLO-ing doesn't mean you have to too. There are so many other ways to YOLO, so many other ways to have fun, booze and joints don't always have to be a part of them. You can sky dive, or reef walk, those, those are YOLO experiences and not waking up in the morning and not knowing where the eff are you. 

And lastly, (but you know there are so many other things that should be up here too), just because some people are skinny and slender and hot doesn't mean you have to starve yourself and work yourself up just to become like them. Today, what's beautiful is healthy and not skinny with your hipbones poking out of your sides. You just have to be healthy and fit, run a few rounds on sunny afternoons. Lift a few weights. Keep away from junk and you'll surely loose a couple of pounds. 

Don't be so pressured to look like them. Wear your own style. Read your own books. Do your own things, I'll bet you 100 Bucks you'd be tons happier than when you were trying to be like them. 

Why would you try to fit in when you could rather stand out? 

x

Ky

The Breakfast Kind of Love

I love breakfast food, I can eat them any time of the day. I hate that people think that breakfast food can only be eaten in the morning, like how restaurants only serve breakfast meals until 11:00am. Breakfast food is the best kind of comfort food because they are less fatty than ice cream and chips and they're actually really filling.

Pancakes with banana and a bit of chocolate drops.
Garlic rice, scrambled egg and ham.
Toast, with butter and marmalade.
Garlic rice, sunny side ups and tocino.

I want us to have the breakfast kind of love where we're the first thing we have in the morning and we crave for us the whole day. The kind where at night, we force ourselves to sleep just that it would be morning faster. I want us to have the breakfast kind of love where lunch would be festive and dinner would be lovely but breakfast, us, would always be the best. Where, we don't have to be fancy but we know we're real and there's nothing else we'd rather have. Where simple things like syrup and raisins would be delightful and candles aren't needed to keep it romantic. I would love us to have the breakfast kind of love, the one that we  will always want to have and we will always hate to skip. The kind that we will always still love in the morning. I want us to be constant but changing. To be different but the same. I want us to be complementary and comforting. I want us to be like omelet and orange juice on a sunny day, a perfect match.

Ky

Hey You!

How are you? We've both been so busy, you mostly, that I haven't really had the chance to stop for a sec and ask how you are. Well, I hear you've been well and that everything seems as if they are finally falling into place. It really is so good to know that life is finally treating you better. The last years weren't so great but I know this would be YOUR year and I'm glad you're really owning it and seizing it. I always believed in you, I always believed in what you could do. :)

I miss you. I always say it cause I do. Do you even remember when we last talked? Like really talked? Not just texted, or chatted, or called each other up. Talk like, sit down over whatever and really talked. Exchanging stories, laughing, crying, and so on? I don't, I guess time hasn't exactly been on our side. We're so near yet so far but I guess sometimes being near is actually harder. I don't know, I'm babbling.

Anyway, I hope you remember me when you're in the neighborhood or the next time you're free and are in school. I'd love to sit down and talk :) I miss talking with you. I miss being silly with you. I miss being friends with you.

I just hope and pray that this isn't a one-sided thing because if it were, it would crush my heart into a million stars.

I Cannot Live Like This

I just can't okay? I'm not complaining, I'm ranting.. I'm ranting because I'm tired.. I'm tired of living like this..

I'm tired of always feeling so pressured that I will take this family out of its financial difficulties. I'm 20. I just turned 20. I haven't even experienced working yet. You dream of big vacation houses and trips to Europe but did you ever even think that I have a brother who's supposed to be helping us? Isn't he supposed to be carrying that financial burden? I'm seriously so tired of feeling so pressured all the time.. So pressured that I end up failing.

I can't live like this. At home, where I'm supposed to be studying in Peace, people keep throwing tantrums! Banging things everywhere! I can't live in a house where people always nag each other about the same friggin things all the time!! I'm so tired of coming home, tired from school, without food on the table. It's still I who have to do the prepping, the cooking, the washinh! I might as well have stayed in my own unit!! I'm so friggin and effin tired to be in a house that doesn't even feel like home!! I'm so friggin tired!! I am!!

Can everybody just shut up and leave me in peace!!

Life is both fair and unfair

Today I realized that no matter how prepared or ready you think you are to learn about something, when it's there, you still won't be able to handle it as well as you thought you would.. Or could..

I've come across a few meaningful failures in my life.. Some I didn't think I deserved, some I didn't see coming and some I knew was bound to happen.. Many times, I failed to understand, at first of course, why of all people, these had to happen to me.. I was sometimes convinced that though I will never be perfect, I wasn't a failure either.. I guess that's life's for us.. It breaks us and re breaks us until we have been perfected from all the imperfections..

Today, another failure has unraveled before my eyes. Though I was hoping otherwise, when I did see it, I still felt my heart drop. I cried a little, asked for some hugs from friends but I knew what the right thing to do was. Suck. It. Up.

I guess we have to learn to accept that not everyone gets it at the first try. Some are more advanced than others. But that doesn't mean they're better . I would like to believe that some fail so that they'd learn better, because sometimes, we get to understand better and more thorough the second time around.

What's great about life is, it won't stop until we get it. It gives us another chance, another shot at things. It gives another opportunity to right the wrongs and to re do what we failed to do.

As I always say.. The difference between the winner and the loser is that a loser fails and quits while the winner fails yet tries again. Life is about trying and trying again. We just have to have patience enough to redo what has to be redone. We can't be beat up by our failures forever. We have to move on. We just have to.

We have to keep faith. In ourselves and in God.

Another chapter tomorrow, leave today to yesterday and face tomorrow with some positivity.

Small things, Big things

Because of the recent unfortunate events that have happened, Uni had to reduce our already brief termbreak to a pitiful 3 days. It actually feels more like a long weekend more than anything. But this short break has actually taught me to appreciate things far better.

So I have come to appreciate the real essence of a break.

Yesterday, I and two high school friends went on a night out. We went to rather famous bar at high street where everyone seemed to be at that night. After a few moments of dancing and body heat exchanging, we decided to leave. It was getting a little too crowded and a little too hot inside.

We ended up going to Starbucks, talking over a tuna pandesal and a glass of cold water. We talked about different things, random things actually and confessed about some other things too. I couldn't have appreciated their company more that night. They reminded me of how young I still am yet old at the same time as we acknowledged the fact that we were indeed not getting any younger. We said that the next time we hung out, we'd rather go out for late lunch or maybe go to a local pub and drink beer. I agreed. I was getting a bit too serious to be partying on a Saturday night.

Today, I crashed the whole day. I woke up a few minutes past ten. Mom cooked up chicken with cumin flavoring. It felt perfect to have that for the a first meal on a bright sunny Sunday. We watched tv for a while and I fell asleep after. I woke up and it was already half past four. I couldn't get any more sleep so I picked my book up and read. I still am reading it now, before I paused to write this entry. I actually wanted to say that I have officially crashed the couch today! And did nothing, well nothing tedious or stressful. And it was a good day. :)

You know, if you choose to look at things differently, you'd realize that even the small things can actually bring great things :) its a matter of perspective! :)

Agape.

There Are Three Sides to the Story

I just felt the urge to write this entry. I feel like with the different relationships I got myself into, I've well experienced the three sides to the story. The three being, The cheater, the one being cheated on and the mistress.

Before you judge me, please do finish reading the blog. That's the least you can do before you pass judgement unto me.

So here it goes.

I was once a cheater.

No, not literally. It was more like, I being in a relationship with someone I didn't have genuine feelings for because I was still in love with his friend, who was my ex love[r]. Do you know that Katy Perry song? (of course, who doesn't?) "When I'm with him I am thinking of you." sorta thing? That was what happened. It didn't last long though because I knew I wasn't fooling anyone. But if it's anything, I can't stand cheating and I think it's the last thing I could ever do. But in [lame] defense of those who cheated, SOME, do not plan it. They don't intentionally fall for that friend who treated him better than his girlfriend ever could. You can only hold him liable when he acts on those emotions and pursues whatever he thinks should be pursued.

I was (more than) once cheated on.

And it sucked. It was nothing like I ever felt before. I hated being so scared of hearing the answer to "Me or her?" because I knew that if it was me, I wouldn't be sitting there asking him that question. I hated having to fight for that dying relationship only to find out that he already left even before I started fighting. Ladies and gents, please do try to understand when your ex who you cheated on releases her wrath against you in every way possible. In Silence or in Rage. But of course, when they go too far you can always call for a protection order! ;)

I was (more than) once (willingly and unknowingly) the third party.

Willingly. I'd like to agree with Sari's line from the movie "The Mistress" when she said no one ever dreamed of being the other woman. Sometimes though, even the smartest people become stupid for love. I thrived on the attention and care, though little, that he could give. I settled for that rather than completely not having a shot at it entirely. I know, it was unacceptable, and I deserved more than that and the girl did not deserve that. But it happened and it was not like I planned it too. But I left and that was the best decision I ever made, romantically speaking.

Unknowingly.

I am the kind of person who takes one for his word. You believe what you want to believe and if you want to believe when he says he loves you, you'll believe it even when his friends tell you you're not the only one.

I do not ask you to condone other people's mistakes but I think it's always good to listen to their side of the story... before we rebuke them and help them. Most of the time, there's a sensible reason. People don't just go stupid for nothing right?

Twitter Trending Topics

I love Twitter, it's like one of the best vices I have. I don't know why it's so addictive and enjoyable when all you get to do is just post your thought, whim, rant and other whatnots on it. One of the reasons why I use it is because of the inability of your followers to comment on your tweets, unlike in Facebook which is too accommodating of other people's opinions. I guess, Twitter makes me feel like I can be narcissistic and not worry too much that people would hurriedly place their thoughts on my posts. Safe haven much?

Anyway, the other day, there was a trending topic which appealed to me. Twas something like "#WaysToPissAGirlOff". I posted "Lie to her face. Most often that not, she already knows what you're up to so don't even bother lying." it's true. I don't know why men don't already know that when women ask them questions, especially when they're doing something wrong, they ask to confirm and not to know. And if you attempt to lie, you'd be screwed. If she doesn't know yet, expect that after you lie, she will know. So the point is, don't even bother lying to a girl because she will eventually find out.

But women are like judges; even if they have all the evidence in their hands, they still want you to enter your plea, to hear it directly from you, And at the earliest opportunity possible, I suggest you enter your truthful plea. Don't go pleading not guilty and go through that process of having to dig up evidence, because it will get dirty. She will find all possible evidence to use against you until you'll feel ashamed of yourself and regret lying in the first place. We have instincts like that of bomb sniffing dogs; no matter how hard you try to hide that bomb, we WILL be able to spot that bomb.. Even from afar.

Honestly, I'd rather you be truthful with me. If you're unhappy, come up to me and tell me straight up that you're unhappy. Tell me you've found someone else. Tell me it's not you and it really is me. Tell me that it just isn't the same anymore, that were through and that you're sorry or you're not. Dot tell me we can still be friends because that's the worst assurance you can give us after breaking up with us. Don't give us anything to hold on to because boy will we hold on to it. If you haven't realized it still, us girls are a sentimental specie. We attach every meaning possible to everything even the smallest hello's and liking of FB statuses.

Wow, this blog has gone to one topic to another. I guess what I'm really just trying to say is.. Don't lie.. Give us the painful truth, we can handle it or well at least try.. Don't give us sugar coated white lies.. We're not stupid.

What I Want Now

It's 8:39 p.m. and I am currently at the library. It's the big day for us CRIM students tomorrow as we are having our first and last exam for the term. I am both nervous and excited for it and I can't wait for it to be over. Whatever the results may be, I know it's what I worked for and I will be accepting and proud of it.

But as I think of grave and less grave felonies and justifying circumstances, I'm also thinking of being beside the beach on a cool night listening to nothing but the sound of the waves crashing into the shore, in my hoodie and jamies. I want to be there, mind, soul and body. To find peace in the sound of the water, to find myself in the darkness of the night. To pull myself together, just before the second term of law school starts again. This is what I want.

If not in the beach, I'd want to be somewhere far from the hustle an bustle of the city. I want to be somewhere where the only noise I hear is from nature. The sound of crickets, of birds, of dogs and cats and what have you. I want to be some place where the only company I have is the company of myself, warm bed sheets and God.

I want to be away. I want to be away from it all. Even for a day. Even for just a day.

While my toes curl up from the coldness of the library and while I continue highlighting things on this do-it-yourself reviewer, I think of home and the peace it never fails to give me.

"What is YOUR idea of love?"

"What is your idea of love?" A friend of mine asked me this last night. We were talking about the romantic kind of love and I had a ready answer. "Love is a commitment. It's a choice you decide to make everyday." But what is it really you commit to? What is it really that you decide to choose everyday?

My kind of love is the kind of love that just doesn't involve your heart (emotions) but you brain (rationality) as well.

Love is a commitment. It is a commitment to fall in love everyday, to find reasons to when you are not. It is a commitment to love one person and one person alone for a period of time, maybe forever. To commit your time, energy, care and attention to the other person, unconditionally, even on bad days. It is a commitment to stay even when it's so much easier to leave. It is a commitment to love itself, to constantly search for truth about what it is. To know Love, you must know what it is and what it is not. This I think is the heart part.

It's a choice you decide to make everyday. And with that, you consciously make an effort everyday to choose to fulfill the commitments you have made the day you claimed the other person's heart. You choose to become their support system; you at least try to extend your patience and to expand your understanding even when you're all confused up there. But love them enough to choose to rebuke them when they have gone too far, and to help them get back on track. It is a choice to trust that person enough that s/he will do the same when you have gone overboard. Love is knowing that there are other people who will always be better at some things than your lover but choosing to look past those things because your partner's imperfections are exactly what you love about them. It is choosing to love them for who they are and who they are not. Love is accepting the fact that there are things that you cannot change about the person you love but choosing to still love them anyway.. This is the brain part.

Love is knowing that in a relationship, both parties are equally important. It is tending to your partners needs but not forgetting that you yourself have needs too.. It is important to never forget that to love doesn't mean losing yourself in the process of loving another person.. Taking care of the person you love means to take care of yourself too.. Give only what you can and always remember to leave something for yourself.. Never ever neglect yourself because when you do, one day you will end up having nothing more to give..

My kind of love is the kind of love that lasts.. the kind of love you work on.. the kind of love that needs dedication, trust and honesty.. My kind of love is facing giants together and talking about problems rather than just setting them aside.. My kind of love is forgiving but not forgetting.. Not forgetting what have once hurt your or the other person to prevent falling into that same situation again.. Not forgetting the lessons that came with the falling..

My kind of love is cooking pancakes in the morning, for no reason at all.. and maybe, for all the right reasons too.. :)

Ky

I Left My Key At Home

No better way to title this post than by saying what inspired me to write it. I left my key at home, and obviously, no one is home to open the door for me. It's 8:49 and I'm still in the Law library. This is a first as far as my stay in law school is concerned and I'm not even doing anything academic. What is this. Anyway, a few moments ago, I was with a few college friends. Before that, I was lonely-ly typing away and one of my blockmates came up to me and asked if a wanted a copy of the readings. I said yes. After he left, the friends that I was originally with started to tease him to me. P.S. that guy who asked me is FRIEND-ZONED. He literally is just my friend and no amount of love spell would turn that around. ANYWAY. So, these guys who were teasing me really just had to tease me again and defensively I had to say I liked someone else. Which was kind of the wrong move. Well anyway, what's done is done. So yeah, to make the long story short... I told them.. And I think that was more of a wrong move.. Now, I think the secret is unsafe.. Uhhhh ohhh...

Almost an Hour

She liked the sound of his voice
And how he sounded on her phone's receiver
She liked how he asked how her day was
And shared the going-on's of his

He liked it when she reads him poetry or brief sentimental encouraging quotes
"You comfort me" he says,
While his voice slowly fades into the background
"Sleeping now?" she asks,
"In a while" he answers
And a few moments of silence would follow after
And none of them ever minds the silence.
He remembers to ask her the same
"Sleeping soon?"
She nods and for a moment forgets he couldn't see her
"In a while" she says but she lied,
He was the only thing that kept her awake at night.
"You should go to sleep now, early day tomorrow sleepy."
"Mmm"
 She imagines him positioning himself better on the bed
"Goodnight?" she asks.. he doesn't answer..
"Hello?" she says, one too many times..
"I'm still here." he answers..

He never was.

Of Random Thoughts, Part II

My birthday is right around the corner and I have yet to know how I want to spend it. My dad has suggested to go visit my grand folks in the province, I think that would be a good idea too.

But what I really want is a picnic.. A picnic at 10 in the evening with nothing but coffee, biscuits and conversations about anything and everything under the moon.. I want it to be intimate, just a few friends, who, preferably, know each other so that conversations wouldn't be so hard to start.. I want to lie on the grass and watch the almost invisible stars and listen to the conversations of other people and get lost in my own infinity.. And a few seconds before midnight everyone remembers it's my birthday and it then becomes the subject of the moment.. And when the clock strikes 12 and the date is the 19th, everyone would greet me a happy birthday.. And everyone starts hugging me and then each other.. As if it was Christmas.. Or new year.. :) I like that scene..

I'm turning 20 this year.. Maybe I should do something different.. Maybe, I should skip it :)

Random Thoughts of a Sleep Deprived Mind

I read some of Margaret Atwood's literary works tonight and may I say, Variation on the Word Sleep is still my favorite. I learned about the poem through one of my very unconventional professors in college who seemed to have the last lines of the poem memorized by heart.

"I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary."

how beautiful is that?

I'd like to believe that even the most secure people lay at night thinking and hoping that somewhere out there, someone actually needs them. I'd like to think that it is in human nature to want to be wanted and to be needed, but why? Is it another selfish and self absorbed thing? To want to be a necessity to someone? To want to be like the air others breathe, though unseen and though most of the time unappreciated, would always be necessary?

I always tell my friends that I'll stick around as long as I know I'm needed.. Why do I say this? I say this because I don't want to be a toy collecting dust at the shelf, without function. I don't want to take the space of other people who might be better fitting of that spot in your life. Remember Toy Story 3? When Andy was all grown up and was moving to college? Though he love his toys, he didn't need them anymore.. He let them go though he did not want to just because he knew that it would be better that the toys were played with by other children who needed them, rather than he keeping them but just storing them away in the attic..

I guess sometimes we have to distinguish what we want and what we need. And decide thereon which of them are the ones that really mean something.

I want to be like the air that inhabits you for a moment only..

I want to be in your life, even if for moments only.. I want to be the person you think of running to when the world is eating you alive.. I want to be the person you think of calling to share the good news.. I want to be the person you randomly think of when you come across something that you know I'd like.. Or wear.. Or say..

I would like to be that unnoticed..

Though we don't always talk and most of the time were in the background of each others' lives, I still want to be there..

And that necessary..

Because you still need me there..

--

Like that ancient teddy bear of yours.. Or that first ever journal you kept.. Or that shirt that will never fit you again but keep in the closet anyways..

Like that smile you wear even on the worst of days..

Ky.

"The Fault in Our Stars"

In more ways than one, I have found it easier to write on online blogs about private events in my life than to actually write them down on my extensive collection of journals here at home. I guess it's this charming thought of someone out there being able to read the blog and maybe being able to relate. And well, finding comfort in the thought that somewhere someone actually gets you and that you actually make sense besides to yourself.

(warning this may be a long one.)

Today was a pretty long day and honestly I couldn't wait until it was over but I guess it won't be until I get to finish that last digest I have which I put off too long already. I started reading this book with the same title as this blog which was refereed to me by a friend. It was 1:00 in the wee hours and I had nothing better to do.. No, actually I had a lot of better things to do but I didn't feel like doing them. I read page per page and I didn't want to stop until I realized it was already 2:30 in the morning and I have already read about 6 chapters. I had to go to sleep as I had to wake up at 7:30 in the morning for a 9:40 class.. And so I woke up and did my morning routine, except I skipped putting on eye-make up, I said I'd do it in the car. When I finally reached school, I realized that I have forgotten to bring the make-up kit which carried my eye-make up. I guess we were skipping I make up today. I guess, it was 'prophetic'.

I continued on reading the books throughout the day, during breaks and in-between's, and well the last class we had for the day. I cried but not as hard as I did when I read Dear John. I guess I was not in the place to wail and my body new that tears were enough to express the pain I felt for Hazel Grace (spoiler alert) at the loss of her great love. I finished it at a total of 6 hours and those were the best 6 hours of my day. I don't regret indulging in the book though I knew there again other better things to do.

I didn't have to read the book in order to realize that I need to be more thankful and appreciative of the things I have in my life but of course it helped. I actually want to learn to be more grateful about things, great or small because all these things have worked so well together that it actually continues to give meaning to my existence and to beautify life. Like for example, I want to learn to be more appreciative of the sun and how it brightens up the world everyday. That it never ceases to bring that ray of sunshine we all want and need somehow.

Today, I talked about him again with a couple of friends and I truly don't know what it is about him that makes him so appealing to me. And even though it seems like he hath forgotten my existence, I still hope to see him sometimes. Like this afternoon, and right before I left school. I was hoping I'd see him but I didn't. And just when I thought the world was yet again conspiring against me, I saw his car made that u-turn where he usually does and I smiled. I guess though the world is not a wishing factory which grants are wishes, it isn't the antagonist either.

It's my birthday in a couple of days and I still don't know what to do but what I do know is that I want a lot of hugs during my birthday and that I want to be with the people I love. I guess I'm sentimental like that.

Anyway, I wrote a long reply to Herber (my online friend from Texas, who's hispanic and is incidently cute too!) and i don't know what has gotten into me today that made me send all these long messages to random people about how I'm both happy and sad about recent events. I think I'm bi-polar like that. But I'm glad that God and life actually surrounded me with patient people and that they are always able to put up with my sentimentality and weirdness.

Yeah, I guess I just really needed to blabber about insignificant things.

See you around, stranger.

Of realizations in the shower

And suddenly the shower has ceased to be just a place of relief, comfort and relaxation. It has officially become a place where important life decisions are [well] thought of and made. It has become my place of solace and sanity and my own little personal space.

And mind you, I need my personal space... Especially in cramped areas like the Andrew Elevator where it's as if people don't even mind that other people are breathing down their necks and their faces are so far as an inch away from each other..

Going back.. Today, I made a decision in the shower and I realized what kind of woman I am and what sort of values I uphold.. I realized that despite my open mind and wide understanding of today's norms, I am still one of those conservatives..

Please don't think I'm trying to say that I'm a saint.. Or that I'm one of those women who have done nothing beyond what their parents expect of them. I have my fair share of faults and stupid mistakes and I guess these are the very things that molded me to become who I am today.

I have decided that even if the world is so tempting and that men are even more tempting, I will do all that I can in my power to stay intact. I realized that I respect myself enough to at least wait until I am truly ready. I will wait until the man worthy to share it with me comes. The man who in the same way would wait until I am ready. So much things in this world have lost its meaning, and I don't want the union to be one of those meaningless ventures. I want it to mean the world to the both of us.

Also, I don't want to give away myself to multiple men. I've already allowed myself to fool around with enough men to know that I don't want anymore fooling around. I am not the kind who finds it so easy to just sleep around. If he can't wait, then he isn't worthy. And in the same way if suddenly I can't wait, I do not deserve him.

This is not because the bible says that it's wrong to have pre-marital sex. Or because God says it is a sin. This is more than just what my religion and faith say. This is about me learning that no one will respect me if I don't respect myself. And that I should be the first person giving it to myself, before anyone else. This is me learning to be in control.. This is me learning to be thoughtful and mindful of both my decisions and actions..

This is because I want to be everything I hope it would be.. Special, meaningful.. And awkward :)

On the RH bill

Because I think it's about time I publicly confess my thoughts on the RH bill.. This is not to spite anyone or to gain recognition or praise.. This is just to share the possibly similar sentiments of some.. And because I am deeply saddened by the ignorance and the narrow-minded of some..

To set the record straight, I am a practicing Christian and I am very much pro-life.. I believe that abortion is murder unless it is necessary to save the life of the mother.. I believe that the act of sexual intercourse is sacred and should be shared by two people who are bound by law and their commitment before the church and God.. I believe that it should be shared by two people who love and respect each other enough to do it within the context of marriage and the blessing of God.. Because I believe that God is not against sex and reproduction, because He made those things.. But of course, He wants it to be done the right way.. Within the proper context and in the proper time..

So many things, words and actions both, have lost their meaning and essence in this liberal world.. Sex should not be one of them.. It should be shared by people who understand why they are doing it and know the meaning of this act..

So much about sex.. It's now time to talk bout the RH bill..

To set another record straight, with all things mentioned above, I am pro the RH Bill.. Why?

It is for the very fact that I am pro-life. Not just life but quality life.

We have to admit that there aren't much people who have the same ideals as us (those who believe in what I believe in). We have to admit that not everyone has the same lifestyles as us nor do they have the same faith.. This is precisely why the RH Bill should be approved..

The RH Bill gives the people a choice.. An access to information.. And mothers, the access to better maternal health care.. Never did the bill promote abortion.. In fact, it prevents unwanted pregnancies.. When there is no life conceived there is no life to kill.. This could mean less fetuses being thrown at trash cans and being flushed down the toilets of public comfort rooms.. Or at least they try.. When responsible and safe sex is practiced, less children, born into poverty, would be walking the streets asking for alms.. Less uncared for children would be roaming the streets deprived of education and other primary needs.. Bringing another life into this world which you say you weren't planning to, with you having no means to properly raise it and give it a home and shelter and education, is practically killing it.. You kill their childhood, their dreams, their freedom..

The Bill aims to educate the masses of responsible parenthood.. Which may instill values in these couples.. Especially the young ones.. It aims to facilitate the circulation of information on ways to protect the health of the people.. To prevent the further spread of sexually transmitted diseases and AIDS.. To prevent deaths from these diseases..

As much as we see the negative in the bill, we should also look into the positive aspects of the bill.. What it aims to do and what it aims to achieve.. Who it aims to protect.. Let us not deprive other people of what they need just because we don't find the need for it. Let us not deprive quality life from those who cannot affor quality perse.

And lastly, I'd like to share what Sen. Pia Cayetano had to say about the Catholics being so against it.. (Rephrased) We cannot keep revising the bill to cater to the needs and demands of one religion.. (end) It is stated in the constitution that the government should not be biased against any religion nor should it favor any of them.. The laws should be created and passed to meet the needs of everyone and not just a specific group.. Everyone should have equal rights and protection under the law..


These are my opinion.. Feel free to share yours through the comment option.. But before you judge me, please know that I respect your dissenting opinions and I wish that you respect mine too.. Conflict is good, it brings out the best in everyone.. But please don't bash me or anyone who believes the same personally.. Like the famous saying goes "Condemn the act and not the person.." :)

Best,
Ky

Casual conversations with your past lover

I think the very word that would define my relationship with this certain someone is "Casual". We started out casually, agreed to be casual, had casual conversations as if they were a part of everyday teenagers' conversations, had an almost-casual break up, and now.. We ended up almost strangers, casually talking and walking by each other in halls and streets that used to be a part of who we were.. As casual lovers..

A few days ago, it felt right to send him a message which contained an apology and a request to just leave everything behind.. And so I did.. I sent the message and just like old times, we casually agreed upon leaving everything behind.. And we accepted each others' apology.. Just like that, because everything now feels so long ago and it would be awkward to act as if we were still affected by things that have happened between us.. And the other involved party.. I finally got the closure I wanted.. And it set me free.. It takes two courageous spirits to end what they started, with finality.. And I take pride in the fact that we were both humble enough to acknowledge our wrongs and ask for each others' forgiveness.. I guess we all have to grow up one day..

Yesterday, I finally had the time to attend youth church.. Youth church was where everything started and ended.. And started again.. Yesterday, fate played another game with us.. He brought us two together.. At first it felt iffy but as moments passed, it started to feel okay.. We were sitting on a couch, beside each other.. Talking about life and love.. And everything in else in between.. He brought up a part of the past, which I wish he didn't, like it was nothing.. And I couldn't help but just laugh in my head.. "I thought we already agreed on forgetting and leaving everything in the past.." I guess we can never be just friends.. Which is why it's really best that we don't be friends.. Just not yet.. When I was getting too into the moment, I felt that it was time to go.. I don't need anything to be stirred up again and I don't need anything to hold on to anymore.. It's lovely to look back at the good times but it's precisely those good times which make me want to already move forward..

These are moments I live for.. Moments of epiphanies and realizations.. Moments of finally letting go and learning that goodbye isn't always a bad thing.. These moments are what Nicholas sparks said to e moments of impacts.. Moments that change us.. Moments that stretch us.. Moments that allow us to grow.. And these moments of impacts are what makes us to be the persons we are destined to be.

Life is awesome :)

Ky

Of sentiments and anticipating my 20th

"I feel you in my heart and I don't even know you.. I was 19, call me.."

What better way to start this entry (besides quoting that awesome line from Tegan and Sara's, Nineteen) but by saying, My 19th year was the best year of my 19 years of existence! Well, as far as I can remember. I guess this year, which is soon coming to and end, was filled with too much memories that have and will always mark my life. This whole year changed me, a little retrofitting if you may. I developed new outlooks, and new dreams and took a hold on to a new direction.

I started the year with Samuel Joseph Marata bringing me cupcakes to my classroom with the whole class singing the happy birthday song. That, I will always remember. :)

I had the craziest 11/11/11.. The very day I realized that I really didn't want to go back and relive or re-do the past anymore.. Enough was enough.. :)

I met someone who changed my outlook in life.. I met someone who was the game changer.. but also placed me back in the game.. I met someone who made me realize that I can trust in people again.. But that didn't go too well..  Thankfully, in the same year, I learned to let that someone go too.. :)

I succeeded! Even when I thought I wouldn't, I did.. I graduated.. on time! :)

I got to fulfill a dream.. I got into law school.. :') In the same school which honed me and made me who I am today.. I am slowly learning the works.. Sooner or later, I'll be able to conquer.. :)

I got to check a lot of things off the bucket list, one of my favorites was getting inked.. Lulilu.. :)

I drove to somewhere far up north with my friends only.. It was liberating.. :)

And lastly.. I finally got the scoreboard out of the cupboards! :)

This year, I want to start it with a haircut.. A new look to sport for the new decade.. :) Cheers to growing up and growing old!

On most days, I don't mind being single

I went to a friend's party and I never felt more single than I felt that night. I went with a friend and her almost boyfriend and chilled with another friend which you guessed right, brought her boyfriend as well. I don't usually mind being single but last night, it definitely got on my nerves.

I don't know what it is about publicly displaying your affection which make couples think it's okay. I mean, I don't mind seeing them hold hands or sit beside each other or give each other occasional hugs.. But is it really necessary to kiss every 15 seconds? Is it really necessary to grope each other in front of other people? Dude, you're in a public place with friends.. If you wanted to do that, you should've stayed home, in your room.. Or in your car.. Or wherever quasi-private.. When you are at your friend's house, don't kiss and fool around as if you were at your own.. Again, if you wanted to do that, you should have stayed at home.. Have some courtesy..

Another thing, I hate it when couples are insensitive.. They act all sweet and flirty around their single friends who already feel bad enough that they're alone.. Why? Why can't you hold your hormones down for a couple of hours? Why can't you just save the puckering for later when no one else is around to feel awkward? I get that you're physically attracted to each other and all that but why do you have to show the whole world? Is nothing private anymore? Is the concept of "private" on the verge of extinction? It's almost the same thing as posting your home made videos on Facebook.. Ladies, have some respect for yourself if not for your partner.. And men, respect your ladies enough to keep your private things PRIVATE..

For the record, I HAVE had "boyfriends". I have experienced what it's like to have this desire to kiss your partner, a desire that's never extinguished.. But if I remember correctly, I have kept the public acts of affection very minimal.. Even if we were with friends to whom we were really comfortable with, I don't think we did more than peck.. I respected myself, my partner and my friends enough to not place anyone in a awkward and uncomfortable position..

Where does being single come into the picture? Well, i hate having to bear no other company than these kinds of friends.. I hate feeling so uncomfortable and awkward and icky at the sight of tongues and hand actions, alone..

After how I felt last night.. I vow that I will never go (exaggeratedly) PDA around friends.. and anyone who's reading this can strike me when I do.. If any of you see me being all flirty and physical with my partner and that makes you feel uncomfortable, I give you the permission to condemn me and call me a hypocrite.. Please, throw a stone at me..

I say these things because I know that it's possible to not publicly show affection for your partner especially in the company of your friends.. As much as I have PDA-loving couple friends, I also have those couple friends who act proper.. You know they're together and they're sweet but they act pretty decent..

So much angst in this post..

Anyway, I'm sure that you all get my point and I hope that you don't take it offensively.. These are MY sentiments.. If you have thoughts go ahead and comment.. If you want to justify your acts, go ahead, I will still respect you when you do.. But I pray that you respect my opinions too..

Sincerely,
Kyle

Everyone has a [significant] role to play

The incumbent president delivered his third State of the Nation Address today and as expected, it garnered all kinds of negative and positive reactions.

The first thing I want to say is this...

Give the guy a chance.

Before he could even prove himself worthy of the votes of the Filipino people, you closed your minds and put on this mindset that he is no good. Before he could even do something, you already thought that he is going to fail. Then how could he ever not fail you when from the start, you never even gave him a chance?

After his SONA today, local tv stations interviewed different people who had different things to say. If I may say it without any attempt to sugar coat, I am disappointed and disgraced with the manners of SOME Filipinos. I may not know what it's really like out there but believe me when I say that I have been exposed to the realities in this country. I know how hard it is to be in a third world country and I know that here, one has to fight his way to survive. In the Philippines, everyday is hunger games.

But as much as I empathize with the masses, I cannot tolerate this kind of behavior. You CAN'T keep resorting to rallying and eventually, violence to be heard. You can't keep blaming the government for your employment problems. You can't keep bashing the President when you think the economy is dying. The President is not God and if its not obvious still, 2 years is not enough to repair and rebuild this nation especially from the mistakes the previous administrations have caused.

We have to unlearn this habit of rallying in the streets while burning images of whoever we are rallying against. This is not how things should be done. Whoever placed this mindset should take responsibility for everyone who has been hurt during these unfortunate events. The administration, I would like to believe, is not deaf. I think we can come up with better ways to make ourselves heard. If you feel like you really need to let out your thoughts, on the government, on the way they're governing, on the problems of your community, organize a forum. Invite your leaders, represent those who have the same sentiments as you and take part of the problem solving.. Since you are the one who experiences these problems first hand anyway.. Don't just be reactive, be pro active. If you want change, if you want to get things done, get off that couch and be a part of it. I'm not saying that you run for office or whatever, but be part of the actions taken. Participate in whatever program or projects your LGUs have created. Educate yourself and be a responsible citizen. We should cease blindly protesting. We should empower ourselves by truly knowing.

Also.. Every year, the government has tried to increase employment opportunities. They have created projects and programs for enhancement of skills. They have tried to partner with the private sector just so that they would be able to create more jobs. Here's what you should do. APPLY. Do you expect for the job opportunity to come knocking on your door? It doesn't work that way. We are already spoon fed enough by the government. We should do our parts too. Not everything is the responsibility of the state, mind you.

I think one problem with some Filipinos is they are never satisfied. The president is never good enough. The government is not working hard enough. Laws are not beneficial enough. Rights are not protected enough. What do you want? When will there ever be anyone who would finally be good enough?

Here's the thing. We have already established that our government still has a lot to improve on regarding its performance.. But if we're so unsatisfied then maybe we should just stop depending on it and just do what we can to enhance our situations.. If we're so let down by our leaders then maybe we should start stepping up.. If we think we can do something then we should.. I think this would be more productive than just complaining and whining and always trying to find fault in everything..

Some officials are doing their best.. It's time that the rest of us should too.. Besides, we above anyone else on earth is the captain of our own ships.. We are the best qualified persons to maneuver it.. We should start doing so..






This is just me.. Comment if you must..

Ky.

dates are [not] just numbers.

11.12.11 "I have a question, what time's lunch?"
11.17.11 "You have to promise not to laugh."
11.30.11  "Do you still see the stars?"
12.02.11  "Don't you like that?"
12.17.11  "Wanna know something?"
02.11.12  "What's the worst that could happen?"
02.18.12  "Eventually"
02.23.12  "It's gonna be awesome."
03.04.12  "I barely have time."
03.07.12  "Haha, nagalit."
03.28.12  "I miss you!"
04.19.12  "Why are we playing this game?"

My feelings on waiting

One of the hardest questions to answer is that in a resume or application form that says "What is/are your weakness/es?" When you're trying to impress your future employers/bosses it's kind of hard to say "Well, I'm actually really bad with stress!" or "I'm really messy with my things!" or "I'm actually lazy 98% of the time!" Is it contradictory to say that I'm patient but I'm bad with waiting? Cause if there's a significant weakness I possess, it's that.

I'm patient with people.. I don't mind if I have to teach a lesson to a kid one too many times, because I can handle that.. I don't mind bearing with childish friends or those who don't have breaks installed on their tongues.. I don't mind senseless talks and absurd arguments.. I don't mind listening to my friends rant their lives away.. Because really, if there's one thing I can unconditionally share, it's my patience..

But the one thing that really gets on my nerves is waiting.. Make me do something else, make me do everything else, anything else, but wait. I cannot wait.. Actually I can, but I'm bad at it.. After the first ten minutes please expect that I'm on my way to cranky-dom. If you say you'll meet me at 3, expect that By 2:50 I'm there and if you come at 3:10 oh dear, expect that I'll have 10 minutes of moodiness too.. I'm usually on time, on schedule, on point, and when you tell me that you're arriving at this time, you should because I take your word for it.. When you tell me we're meeting up at this time, we should.. If we plan to meet at 8, if by 6 you think you won't make it, TELL ME. Don't wait until 7:45 to tell me that you're not coming because I most probably made plans and the necessary arrangements for our meet up. Tell me ASAP that you can't make it or won't show up because no one deserves to get stood up.. If you tell me to "Wait", oh I will wait.. And I will wait until I can't wait anymore.. And if by that waiting, nothing happens.. Please know that I will be very very upset..

What is it about waiting you ask that I hate so much? It's that feeling of uncertainty that surrounds you..

I hate how I feel unsure of whether or not, people still mean what they say. or if they mean to mean what they say.. I hate the feeling of being alone in a sea of people while waiting for that one person who would hopefully make you feel like you're not alone.. I hate the feeling of having to pretend like someone's coming when they're not.. I hate having to cancel plans.. I hate cancelled plans because most probably, I don't have a back up plan and I will end up feeling miserable and screwed after that..

I guess it's Human Nature

Have you experienced those times that you just need a pair of arms around you? Not in any way romantic, more of for comfort actually. You know what it's like when you feel really alone and a hug is all you need to make things feel better, if at all? One of the lessons I've learned lately is to never ever underestimate the power of a hug. Sure it's a simple gesture, but it's effects, especially to those who are in need of it, are far beyond simple. When you were a baby, the only thing that would make you feel safe in this seemingly massive universe, would be the loving arms of your dad. Or mom. Or grandad. And when you got a little older, it was that of your friends. And when you grow a tad bit older, it may be that of your partner. Or maybe that one friend that knows you a little too well.

I guess it's human nature.. To long for someone to hold when you feel like the world is caving in.. When you feel like no words can make things feel even slightly better.. When your thoughts of uncertainty are drowning you.. When you just need to feel someone warn and alive and with a heart..

I guess I just really need a hug.. Which I guess is obvious too..

When you see a friend, don't forget to offer a hug.. You don't know what it can actually bring.. Because sometimes, words are not needed..

Goodnight and Goodmorning.. :)

Why it's a bad idea to love someone who can't love you back

Please note the choice of negation in the above written title.

I did not use "doesn't" because I believe that feelings change. He doesn't love you but he may realize that he does. In this case, there is no impediment to love you. He just doesn't... Yet.

I did not use "won't" because I think won't implies that he chooses not to. He won't love you because he thinks you're too complicated or he feels strongly that you are only a friend.. In this case, there is nothing else to do but move on.. Just move on..

I use/d can't because I interpret it in two ways.. He can't love you because of an outside factor.. He obviously chose his career before you.. His family is depending on him.. He's too busy with work.. His parents disapprove and well you're screwed because his parents' opinions matters to him so much.. You get it.. Second, he can't love you because of an internal factor.. He's gay.. Or he's in love with someone else.. Or he's too scared to stand up for you.. Or he's in a relationship.. Or he's married..

Ladies, even if he does love you.. Gentlemen, even if she does you.. For the above stated can't reason, they just can't.. Especially the last reason.

It's a bad idea to love someone who can't love you back because you will just end up inflicting unnecessary pain upon yourself.. You will try to bear with little to no attention at all.. You will daydream about the very slim chances of you being together.. You will try to rationalize things even if there is nothing to rationalize.. You will try to talk yourself into believing that one day they will break up and when they do, they'll realize that they're madly in love with you..

I'm sorry to burst your bubble but.. It doesn't mean that when they break up, it's you he'd fall for next.. Sure you're friends and sure you had those moments that to you were seemingly romantic.. But there are no assurances..

I know you don't choose who you fall for.. But you can choose who to not fall for.. If you know there's a possibility that you'd like that person who can't love you, don't hang out too much.. Don't talk too much.. Don't think about the possibility of a you two as a couple too much.. Don't allow yourself to be in a vulnerable position.. You're smarter than that..

When you feel like entertaining the thought of courting or being courted already, surround yourself with people who don't have extra baggage.. Hang out with those who are single.. Who your gender is their preference.. Who are willing to remain faithful.. Who are willing to commit to you and only you..

You know you deserve to be loved back.. You know you deserve to be loved.. And one day, with right choices, someone who does, can and will, will love you :)

Ky